Oh, look, it’s the crypto kings and AI overlords throwing their Monopoly money around like it’s 2016 again!
According to some “experts,” Big Crypto and their robot buddies are planning to dump over $200 million into the 2026 midterms to make sure their chosen candidates—from both parties, because why not?—get a shiny seat in Congress. How bipartisan of them! But let’s be real, this isn’t about democracy; it’s about making sure no one rocks the boat while they mine Bitcoin in the basement and train AI to replace your job. Abby Livingston from Puck (yes, Puck, because journalism is just a fairy tale now) says the crypto crowd is even vetting Democrats to see if they’re in the “Elizabeth Warren tribe” or if they’re the type who’ll just nod and smile while Wall Street writes the rules. Classic! It’s almost like they’re trying to buy influence or something. But hey, who are we to judge? After all, it’s not like we’re living in a country where money talks and principles walk. Right, America?
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
