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Month: March 2026

Israel vs. Iran: The Ultimate Game of “Mine’s Bigger Than Yours” or Just a Really Confusing Soap Opera?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Israel vs. Iran: The Ultimate Game of “Mine’s Bigger Than Yours” or Just a Really Confusing Soap Opera?

Big ElephantMarch 16, 2026March 16, 2026

The US and Israel Are in a Bickering Sibling War With Iran The US and Israel have been duking it…

Babylon Bee

9 Clear Signs The Ayatollah Is Gay

FinnMarch 16, 2026

    In addition to reports that he was seriously injured in airstrikes at the onset of the U.S.-Iran conflict, new…

Travis Kelce Bummed Fiancée Signed Him Up For NFL Again
The Onion

Travis Kelce Bummed Fiancée Signed Him Up For NFL Again

FinnMarch 16, 2026

       LEAWOOD, KS—Groaning at the thought of having to be somewhere on the weekend, Travis Kelce was reportedly feeling bummed Monday after…

Trump Demands Staff Get King Of Hormuz On Line
The Onion

Trump Demands Staff Get King Of Hormuz On Line

FinnMarch 16, 2026

       WASHINGTON—In a bid to regain access to the sea passage through which ships enter the Persian Gulf, President Donald…

Babylon Bee

‘Jim Crow 2.0!’ Shouts Chuck Schumer While Being Escorted Out Of Costco For Not Having Membership Card

FinnMarch 16, 2026

    ALEXANDRIA, VA — Senator Chuck Schumer was seen struggling with Costco security guards after failing to show his membership…

Slots were invented in 1894. People in 1893:
Videos

Slots were invented in 1894. People in 1893:

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 16, 2026

So they really had to wait a whole year just to gamble? Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in…

Trump Beefs Up Security Presence After Frighteningly Close Brush With JD Vance
The Onion

Trump Beefs Up Security Presence After Frighteningly Close Brush With JD Vance

FinnMarch 16, 2026

       WASHINGTON—Alarmed at the shocking lapse in protocol that nearly resulted in disaster, a shaken President Donald Trump ordered his…

Babylon Bee

Ayatollah Disappointed To Learn 72 Virgins Awaiting Him In Paradise Are All Women

FinnMarch 16, 2026

    TEHRAN — With rumors about his sexual preferences circulating amid the ongoing military conflict ravaging his country, the new…

Leaving Las Vegas – Watch the trailer for the new 4K restoration (now with 4000% more despair and Nicolas Cage’s existential crisis in stunning HD!)
Breaking, Movie News

Leaving Las Vegas – Watch the trailer for the new 4K restoration (now with 4000% more despair and Nicolas Cage’s existential crisis in stunning HD!)

FinnMarch 16, 2026March 16, 2026

Hey, you! Yes, YOU, the one who thinks Nicolas Cage’s Oscar is for screaming at bees. Get ready to relive…

Senate Foreign Relations Clown, Dem Sen. Chris Van Hollen, Yaps About Oil Shipping Route Drama
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Senate Foreign Relations Clown, Dem Sen. Chris Van Hollen, Yaps About Oil Shipping Route Drama

Big ElephantMarch 16, 2026March 16, 2026

OMG, Libs Are Freaking Out Over Trump’s Plan to Secure Oil! (Again!) Oh, good gravy, here we go again! The…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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