CNN somehow not banned from Iran yet covers Khamenei mourning
Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest news from Tehran, where Iranians are gathering for the funeral…
Day: July 4, 2026
Beyoncé Drops Surprise New Single Morning Dew Donk
Beyoncé has returned with “MORNING DEW (DONK),” a surprise new song that marks her first release in two years. Written…
Historians Theorize Declaration Of Independence Started As ‘Twilight’ Fan Fiction
WASHINGTON—Offering new insight into the origins of America’s founding document, a group of leading historians published a report this…
Chicago Police Assure Residents Those Loud Popping Noises Are Just Gunshots
CHICAGO, IL — After fielding a flood of calls complaining of loud popping noises, the Chicago Police Department issued…
Nation Finally Over Quarter Life Crisis
I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the extreme heat wave in the eastern US, and folks, I almost spilled…
Giant Flag Engulfs Minnesota Town Because Subtlety Is Overrated
Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A gigantic American flag, measuring 19 by 36 feet, was discovered…
Trump’s Back Online Because You Demanded It Apparently
Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Trump Accounts, a new federal savings and investment vehicle for…
THE ORACLE SPEAKS Donald Trump posts on Truth Social July 4 2026
In a shocking turn of events, THE ORANGE ORACLE, also known as Donald Trump, has taken to Truth Social to…
ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social on July 4 2026
The latest TRANSMISSION from THE ORANGE ORACLE has been received, and it’s a doozy. In a move that has left…
Britain Finds Out It’s Been Dumped By America Via Messenger
Folks, I’m sitting here with my coffee, reading about the 250th anniversary of America’s independence from Britain, and I’m thinking,…