LEGALIZER: Man Asks Vending Machine Question, Somehow Triggers Federal Jurisdiction
A bewildered citizen once asked a simple, reasonable question — "Can I sue a vending machine for false advertising when the wrong snack falls?" — and within se…
Day: September 12, 2026
LEGALIZER: Man Asks Innocent Halloween Question, Gets Charged Under Federal Wear Law
It started innocently enough. A curious citizen typed a perfectly reasonable question into the LEGALIZER public inquiry terminal: "Is it illegal to wear a Hall…
LEGALIZER: A citizen asked about Can I legally declare a snow day for myself when it merely drizzles and it became a federal case
A citizen recently asked the federal terminal known as LEGALIZER a simple question: "Can I legally declare a snow day for myself when it merely drizzles?" What…
LEGALIZER: A citizen asked about Can my goldfish legally inherit my parking spot and it became a federal case
A citizen recently asked the federal terminal known as LEGALIZER a simple question: "Can my goldfish legally inherit my parking spot?" What followed was, depen…
LEGALIZER: A citizen asked about Can I sue my toaster for consistently undercooking one side of the bread and it became a federal case
A citizen recently asked the federal terminal known as LEGALIZER a simple question: "Can I sue my toaster for consistently undercooking one side of the bread?"…
LEGALIZER: A citizen asked about Is owning 47 identical black T-shirts a federal offense and it became a federal case
A citizen recently asked the federal terminal known as LEGALIZER a simple question: "Is owning 47 identical black T-shirts a federal offense?" What followed wa…
Man Wondering What The Prayers Of A Not-So-Righteous Man Availeth
PANHANDLE, TX — Though glad to know from Scripture that the prayers of a righteous man availeth much, local…
FROM FIRST TO LAST Still Exists Apparently
Oh boy, are you guys ready for some early 2000s nostalgia? 🤯 Because FROM FIRST TO LAST is back with…
ROSS VALORY crushes dreams of midlife crisis dudes everywhere
I mean, who wouldn’t be cool with being booted from one of the most iconic rock bands of all time?…
Turnstile Scores Big With Five Guys Feature
Turnstile, the “BLACKOUT” band, are beefing out. Five Guys, the burger restaurant, selected the 2026 Grammy-winning Baltimore hardcore group as…