Alright, buckle up buttercups 💅, because Hollywood’s about to desecrate another classic! 🙄 They’re rebooting ‘Highlander’ because originality is *so* last century. 🙄 Seriously, can’t these studio execs come up with ANYTHING new? 🤦♀️
So, Russell Crowe, bless his cotton socks, is apparently joining the “Highlander” reboot. I mean, sure, why not? He’s got the grizzled veteran look down pat. Probably needed a paycheck after that “Pope’s Exorcist” masterpiece. 😂
What was ‘Highlander’ again? Oh, right, that movie with the immortal Scotsman and the even more immortal Sean Connery rocking a truly questionable Spanish accent. 🇪🇸 Because, you know, cultural accuracy is overrated. 🙄 It was all about chopping heads and Queen blasting in the background. Pure 80s cheese. 🧀
They made sequels? Oh honey, let’s not even go there. “Highlander II: The Quickening” is a cinematic crime against humanity. 👽 Aliens? Seriously? 🤦♀️ It’s so bad, it’s… well, it’s still just bad.
Chad Stahelski, the “John Wick” guy, is directing. So expect lots of stylized violence and probably a confusing plot. 🤷♂️ He says the original has flaws? No way! I thought the fisheye lenses and nonsensical dialogue were high art! 🤪
Stahelski wants to make it an “epic TV show.” Oh goodie, more content to clog up the streaming services. 📺 He’s bringing in elements from “all the TV shows.” Great, so it’ll be even more convoluted and confusing. 😵💫
It’s a “bit of a love story – but not how you think.” Oh, please, spare us the angsty immortal romance. 🤮 Just give us sword fights and explosions! 💥
Henry Cavill is the new Highlander. I guess he needed something to do after Superman-gate. 🤷♂️ He’s been alive for 500 years? Wow, method acting! 👏 He’ll get to “cover quite a broad spread of a character arc.” Translation: he’ll brood a lot. 😒
Russell Crowe could be the new Kurgan? Okay, that could be fun. Imagine Crowe hamming it up as an immortal psychopath. 😈 Or maybe he’s the new Ramirez? Can he pull off the Connery charm? 🤔 Probably not.
Or maybe he’s a brand-new character. Ooh, mysterious! Maybe he’s the Highlander’s therapist? 🛋️ Lord knows those immortals need some serious counseling.
When will this cinematic masterpiece grace our screens? 🤷♀️ Who knows? Probably when they’ve squeezed every last drop of nostalgia out of the franchise. 💰
Who wants to live forever? Not me, if it means watching more reboots. 💀
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
