OMG! 😱 Amy Lee from EVANESCENCE, yes, the “Bring Me to Life” band that your mom still listens to, has apparently teamed up with Halsey. Who even IS Halsey anymore? 🤔 Aren’t they like, so last Tuesday? Anyway, they’ve birthed a “song” called “Hand That Feeds.” I bet it’s about how Amy Lee feeds her cats or something equally thrilling. 🙄 It’s for the new John Wick spin-off movie “Ballerina” – because what the world REALLY needs is MORE John Wick content. 😴
Apparently, on Tuesday (May 6th, which, let’s be honest, was like, a million years ago in internet time), Amy Lee graced us with her digital presence to announce this earth-shattering collab. She posted on social media – because that’s what REAL artists do, right? 🤳 – saying she’s “so thrilled” and that the universe “pulled them together.” Oh, please! 🙄 I’m pretty sure it was a desperate publicist and a big pile of cash that did the pulling. She also mentioned a Hollywood Bowl show, because if you’re gonna sell out, you might as well do it at a big venue. 🎤
And get this! Halsey, in a TEXT MESSAGE to fans (because apparently, that’s how celebrities communicate now), shared a “snippet” of the song. A snippet! Like we’re supposed to be on the edge of our seats waiting for a few seconds of auto-tuned vocals and generic guitar riffs. 🙄 They also plugged their “For My Last Trick” tour, because nothing says “genuine artistic collaboration” like blatant self-promotion. 🤑
The article then goes on to tell us that Halsey has been a fan of EVANESCENCE since childhood. Oh, really? I bet they also had a poster of the Backstreet Boys on their wall. 🙄 When promoting their 2024 album, “The Great Impersonator,” Halsey dressed up as Amy Lee. Recreating the EVANESCENCE “Fallen” album cover. Talk about being unoriginal. 😴 Halsey wrote on Instagram that Lee was their “OG dark rock queen.” Barf. 🤮 And they shared a childhood photo wearing an EVANESCENCE t-shirt. Okay, we get it, you like the band. Now, please, stop trying so hard. 🙄
“Ballerina” is due in theaters on June 6th. I’m sure it’ll be a cinematic masterpiece. NOT. 😒 It stars Ana de Armas as Eve, an assassin seeking revenge. Because that’s totally a fresh and innovative plot. 🙄 Directed by Len Wiseman and produced by Chad Stahelski, it also features Anjelica Huston, Gabriel Byrne, Lance Reddick, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Norman Reedus, Ian McShane, and Keanu Reeves. So basically, a bunch of actors who needed a paycheck. 💸
Oh, and guess what? EVANESCENCE will be “supporting” Halsey at the Hollywood Bowl. I put “supporting” in quotes because we all know who the REAL headliner is. 😉 THE WARNING is also on the bill, because every concert needs at least one band nobody’s ever heard of. 🤷♀️
Photo credit: Travis Shinn. Because apparently, even taking a picture is an achievement these days. 📸
In conclusion, this whole thing is just a big, manufactured mess designed to sell movie tickets and concert tickets. But hey, at least it gave me something to write about. So thanks, Amy and Halsey! I guess. 🙄
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
