Bill Belichick Agrees To UNC Job On Condition He Can Live In Girlfriend’s Dorm
CHAPEL HILL, NC — The Tar Heels athletic department was on the brink of pulling off a huge coup this…
Category: Babylon Bee
Caitlin Clark Explains That White Privilege Feels Weirdly Like Getting Beat Up By Giant Black Lesbians
U.S. — WNBA player Caitlin Clark explained in an interview with TIME that she has been the beneficiary of white…
Michael Bay Hired To Direct Megachurch Christmas Service
OVERLAND PARK, KS — This holiday season promised to be more spectacular than any before it for one local megachurch…
Man Struggling To Understand How God Could Let Good Things Happen To Bad People Like Him
SPRINGFIELD, MO — A local man faced a crisis of faith this week, as friends revealed he was struggling to…
Private Catholic School Offers Discount On 8th Child
EAGAN, MN — Admissions staff and teachers at St. Thérèse of Lisieux K-12 Parochial School were delighted to announce that…
‘We’re Doing Great, Aren’t We Mr. Friskers,’ Mutters Masked Taylor Lorenz Petting Antique Taxidermied Cat
LOS ANGELES, CA — Journalist and pandemic enthusiast Taylor Lorenz quietly stroked her dead stuffed cat this week and reassured…
Trump FBI Director Pick Kash Patel Vows To Keep Both Eyes Wide Open For Deep State Conspiracies
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an announcement that has raised eyebrows around the nation, Kash Patel recently promised the American public…
Scientists Posit Theoretical Existence Of ‘Hootie And The Blowfish’ Fan Somewhere In The Universe
U.S. — Researchers with the National Institute of Science are now positing the theoretical existence of a Hootie and the…
Juan Soto Retires From Professional Baseball To Play For The New York Mets
NEW YORK, NY — The sweepstakes to land free agent Juan Soto came to a surprising end, as the star…
Life Hack: You Can Avoid Wokeness In Video Games By Just Playing Ninja Golf On The Atari 7800
U.S. — Millions of gamers are discovering a new life hack where you can avoid wokeness in video games simply…