Category: The Onion

    Read MoreThe OnionMARYVILLE, TN—Relying on a precise measurement as though a slight miscalculation could be lethal, local woman Anna Gardner,…

    Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—Claiming it was the only way to protect one’s assets against economic volatility, a group of financial…

    Read MoreThe OnionWhite House sources have confirmed the successful execution of 19-year-old college sophomore Evan Dixon late last night by…

    Read MoreThe OnionTHE HEAVENS—Admitting that He had barely even noticed the leader of the Catholic Church had died, God, our…

    Read MoreThe OnionWORCESTER, MA—Blinking in disbelief as the individual passed him on the street alive and well, local serial killer…

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Looking around with despair as he searched for an open seat in the Pentagon cafeteria, U.S. Secretary of…

    Read MoreThe OnionThe colossal squid, the heaviest invertebrate in the world, was captured on video swimming in the deep sea…

    Read MoreThe OnionPresident Trump’s trade war has inspired a new TikTok trend of Chinese manufacturers encouraging shoppers to buy direct…

    Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Saying the new format would help him present the series as he had always intended, Severance creator…

    Read MoreThe OnionFour ant smugglers pleaded guilty after being caught by the Kenyan Wildlife Service attempting to sneak hundreds of…