Skip to content
logo4

Jackal.Today

News that makes you want to howl!

  • Home
  • Breaking
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Events
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
  • Games News
  • Sport News
  • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Advertise with us!
  • Editorial
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Thank You

HATEBREED’s WAYNE LOZINAK Plans Brain Tumor’s Eviction Notice ASAP
Breaking, Music News

HATEBREED’s WAYNE LOZINAK Plans Brain Tumor’s Eviction Notice ASAP

Chord F. DiscordJune 29, 2025June 29, 2025

So, apparently, HATEBREED’s Wayne Lozinak, the guy who shreds (or at least pretends to) on guitar, had a little something…

GENE HOGLAN: Lars Stole My Beat, Metallica Paid My Bills (Allegedly)
Breaking, Music News

GENE HOGLAN: Lars Stole My Beat, Metallica Paid My Bills (Allegedly)

Chord F. DiscordJune 27, 2025June 26, 2025

In a recent interview with the obscure That Metal Interview podcast, DARK ANGEL drummer Gene Hoglan, bless his heart, is…

Liquid Death’s Newest Brainfart: Whiskey So Old, It’s Practically Fossilized
Elephant Reads CNN

Liquid Death’s Newest Brainfart: Whiskey So Old, It’s Practically Fossilized

Big ElephantJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

Ah, yes, more woke garbage from the liberal elites! “Liquid Death” water teams up with WhistlePig Whiskey to create “GraveStock…

Trump’s Brain Predicts Israel-Iran Tinder Match Gone Wrong, Wants No Part in the Drama
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Brain Predicts Israel-Iran Tinder Match Gone Wrong, Wants No Part in the Drama

Big ElephantJune 15, 2025June 15, 2025

Folks, CNN is at it again, trying to make President Trump look like he’s waffling on foreign policy! Israel and…

Warhammer 40K: Space Marine – Master Crafted Edition: More Like Master Crapped Edition, AmIRite?
Breaking, Games News

Warhammer 40K: Space Marine – Master Crafted Edition: More Like Master Crapped Edition, AmIRite?

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 13, 2025June 13, 2025

Oh, sweet Emperor, here we go again! Warhammer 40K: Space Marine – Master Crafted Edition dropped this week, and the…

Stephen King’s ‘The Life of Chuck’: Yet Another Reason to Fear the Dark (and Theaters)
Elephant Reads CNN

Stephen King’s ‘The Life of Chuck’: Yet Another Reason to Fear the Dark (and Theaters)

Big ElephantJune 13, 2025June 12, 2025

Oh, great, another Stephen King movie. Probably filled with woke garbage and socialist propaganda. Mark Hamill? That guy hates Trump!…

Marvel’s Deadpool VR: Prepare for Utter Chaos and Questionable Morality
Breaking, Games News

Marvel’s Deadpool VR: Prepare for Utter Chaos and Questionable Morality

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 12, 2025June 12, 2025

Okay, so apparently at Summer Game Fest 2025, some game called Marvel’s Deadpool VR was announced. Made by Twisted Pixel…

Family Subjects Traumatized Vietnam Vet to Eagles Tailgate Birthday Hazing
Elephant Reads CNN

Family Subjects Traumatized Vietnam Vet to Eagles Tailgate Birthday Hazing

Big ElephantJune 11, 2025June 11, 2025

Eagles fans celebrate with gluttony and booze! Is this what our Founding Fathers envisioned? Probably not, but at least they’re…

Zelda Movie Delayed: Prepare for Disappointment in Slightly Less Time
Breaking, Games News, Movie News

Zelda Movie Delayed: Prepare for Disappointment in Slightly Less Time

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 9, 2025June 9, 2025

Oh, NOOOO! 😱 Nintendo, in their infinite wisdom (or maybe just infinite procrastination), has decided that the upcoming live-action The…

DIRKSCHNEIDER & GERIATRIC CREW Drops Schmaltzy New Single And Eye-Bleeding Video ‘Hellbreaker’
Breaking, Music News

DIRKSCHNEIDER & GERIATRIC CREW Drops Schmaltzy New Single And Eye-Bleeding Video ‘Hellbreaker’

Chord F. DiscordJune 7, 2025June 6, 2025

DIRKSCHNEIDER & THE OLD GANG (DATOG), because acronyms are cool 😎, the project featuring former ACCEPT members Udo Dirkschneider (vocals,…

Posts pagination

1 2 Next

Most Viewed Posts

  • Are You Sure This Is Linkin Park? Fans Claim New Song Sounds Like Paramore! 🎸 (1,329)
  • 😱 New Days of Thunder Sequel Set to Drive Woke Hollywood Wild! 🏁💥 (1,321)
  • Yoda Goes Black, Chewbacca’s New Pronouns: Lucasfilm’s Wild Plans for Star Wars 😱🌟 (1,271)
  • 🎮 BioWare’s «Mancleaners» and the New Woman Effect: A Look Inside the Studio’s Gender Revolution 💼 (1,115)
  • New Polls Show That Trump Will Definitely Win Unless Harris Wins (912)

Latest posts

  • US Gov’t Says Iranian Hackers Might Steal Secrets from Companies That Work with Israel, Shocker
  • Sadist Announces Russian Tour, Forgets World Still Has Internet
  • Wall Street’s Gone Wild: Stocks Soar While the Dollar Takes a Dive Off a Cliff
  • 5 Things You Simply MUST Know or the Terrorists Win (June 30 Edition): Idaho, Trump, Moose Land, Evil Empire, and Jailbirds on the Loose
  • CNN Asks Ex-FBI Guy If He’s *Seriously* Never Seen a Multiple Homicide Before, Like, Ever

Archives

  • June 2025
  • May 2025
  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • December 2024
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  1. CirrusFlash on Oh great, another overpriced ski simulator nobody asked for is getting a shiny new trailer and a collector’s edition, whoop-de-doo 🙄 ⛷️ 👻 💰.April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to authenticity.

  2. canary apple red on HBO Bends the Knee to Rowling: Trans Rights? Apparently Not as Magical as Galleons! 🤑April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to Ryan.

  3. Bleach on 🛒Amazon Takes Full Control of 007: James Bond Gears Up for the Battle of Likes and Discounts🎬April 25, 2025

    The Met Gala theme this year: \'millionaires but make it expensive.\'

  4. Crazy Eights on Oblivion Remaster: ‘Body Type’ vs ‘Gender’ – Who Won This Clown Show? 🤡🎉April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to 5000.

  5. Sleek Assassin on 🤠 Amazon Reinvents Mass Effect: Forget the Reapers, Meet Galactic Two-Day Shipping!April 25, 2025

    Award shows: where sponsored hand each other trophies for existing.

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn McFrame October 8, 2024
Editorial
! Editorial strike2
Editorial

🔥 Jackal.Today Journalists Go on Strike: «Too Much Money, Too Much Freedom — Enough Is Enough!»

Finn McFrame January 29, 2025
June 2025
M T W T F S S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30  
« May    
Copyright © 2025 Jackal.Today | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}