Oh my gawd, you guize! 😱 They’re actually doing it! They’re building a monument to Lemmy in Stoke-on-Trent. Stoke-on-freaking-Trent! 🤣 I mean, I love Lemmy as much as the next guy who thinks wearing a denim jacket makes him a rebel, but Stoke-on-Trent? Seriously? Did they lose a bet or something? 🤔
So, on May 9, 2025, the holiest of holies, the “Lemmy Forever” ceremony, will commence. Apparently, Stoke-on-Trent is the new Graceland, except instead of Elvis impersonators, we’ll have dudes with questionable hygiene and even more questionable tattoos. 🤘
Phil Campbell, bless his heart, is showing up to dump some of Lemmy’s ashes into this “magnificent” statue. I’m picturing something like the bronze baby from the Rugrats, but with mutton chops and a permanent sneer. 👶➡️🧔 But hey, at least it’s being made by a “huge” MOTÖRHEAD fan. I bet he owns, like, ALL the albums. Even the ones nobody admits to liking. 🤫
The ceremony kicks off at 4:00 p.m. in Burslem town center. They’re encouraging everyone to get there early to pre-game with some “MOTÖRHEAD beverages” at the local pubs. I’m guessing that’s just code for cheap lager and watered-down whiskey. 🍻 The Market Place Café will also have refreshments, including a special “MOTÖRHEAD roast of the day.” I’m betting it’s something involving a lot of black pepper and maybe some suspiciously cheap sausages. 🍖
Oh, and get this: there’s a biker’s corteo accompanying the ashes! I hope they’re all wearing helmets, because safety first, even when you’re honoring a guy who basically lived on cigarettes and Jack Daniels. 🏍️💨 And a “roaring 21-rev salute”! I’m sure the local residents will *love* that. 🙄
The statue itself is supposed to capture Lemmy in his “live glory” from 1981. So, basically, picture a slightly blurry, perpetually sweaty dude with a microphone glued to his face. 🎤 They’re really playing up the Heavy Metal Holocaust connection. I’m sure everyone in Stoke-on-Trent remembers that fondly. NOT! 🤣
But wait, there’s more! The Bare Walls Art Gallery (lol, Bare Walls) is displaying “rarely seen photographs” of Lemmy. I’m guessing that means pictures that haven’t been filtered to hell and back on Instagram. 📸 Grumpy’s bar (Grumpy’s! I can’t!) is hosting “A Night Of Music To Celebrate The Life Of Lemmy,” featuring the MOTÖRHEAD tribute band MOTÖRWRECKED. MOTÖRWRECKED! I can’t even! 😂 They’re also having an auction of “exclusive items.” I’m picturing used guitar picks and maybe a half-eaten bag of crisps. 🍟
Music Mania (because of course there’s a place called Music Mania) is hosting MOTÖRHEADACHE at the Mitchell Arts Centre. MOTÖRHEADACHE! These names are killing me! 🤣 Tickets are £18. I’d rather spend that on a bottle of Jack and a pizza. 🍕
Parking is available at Port Vale Football Club. Because nothing says “rock ‘n’ roll” like a football stadium parking lot. ⚽ And if you’re coming by train, Ace Taxis will be available. I hope they have air conditioning, because it’s going to be a long day of questionable decisions. 🚕
If you need accommodation (and let’s be honest, you probably do after all this), special rates are available at the DoubleTree by Hilton Stoke-On-Trent. Because nothing says “Lemmy” like a corporate hotel chain. 🏨
Apparently, MOTÖRHEAD is celebrating its 50th anniversary with a series of “Motörhead For Life” and “Lemmy Forever” events. Because what better way to honor a guy who lived life to the fullest than by milking his legacy for all it’s worth? 💰
Lemmy died in 2015, shortly after being diagnosed with cancer. Which is a bummer, but hey, at least he went out like a rock star. 🤘
And let’s not forget the upcoming biopic, “Lemmy,” directed by Greg Olliver. Because we definitely need another rock biopic. Especially one about a guy who basically lived his life on camera anyway. 🎬
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
