Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because Nintendo dropped the Donkey Kong Bananza Direct today, and it’s more bananas than a monkey convention 🐒. They’re finally gracing us with a DK game on the mythical Nintendo Switch 2, which I’m sure will be as revolutionary as the Virtual Boy was. Get ready for DK to do things!
Nintendo decided to bless us with a whole bushel of info about Donkey Kong Bananza, the *totally* next-gen platformer for the Nintendo Switch 2. First off, they swapped out that nobody OddRock for Pauline, the Mayor of New Donk City from Mario Odyssey. But hold on, she’s *smaller* now! Did she shrink in the wash? Is this some weird lore thing? 🤔 Pauline’s gonna be DK’s sidekick, and apparently, she’s gonna use her singing skills to help DK navigate this brand-new underground world. Singing? Really? I thought this was a gorilla game, not a karaoke simulator.🎤 In case you missed the hype train wreck, here’s the Direct:
So, this underground world is apparently full of characters who are just *dying* to help DK. We’ve got Cranky Kong, because who doesn’t love a grumpy old ape, and Rambi the Rhino, because… well, why not? 🦏 Apparently, there are also “giant elders” who give DK “ancient powers” and let him transform into different animals using something called “Bananza power.” Bananza? Seriously? Sounds like a rejected cereal brand.🥣 DK can turn into a zebra and an ostrich, which is totally not ripped off from previous games. You gotta manage your “Bananza gauge” (and “Bananergy”?!), which you refill by picking up gold. Because nothing says “ancient power” like shiny rocks.✨
The villains this time aren’t the Kremlings (yet), but some rival Kongs from “The Void Company,” a mining corporation. Led by Grumpy Kong, Poppy Kong, and Void Kong, these guys are stealing bananas on Ingot Isle and trying to dig to the center of the earth. Because that’s a totally reasonable goal for a bunch of apes.🦧
While chasing these corporate Kongs, DK will fight bosses that conveniently open up new holes to the next underground level. And of course, there are collectibles and challenges galore, because who doesn’t love padding out a game with meaningless tasks? You’ll get “sweet Golden Banana rewards” for your trouble, which I’m sure will be *totally* worth it.🍌
The Direct also revealed a skill tree for DK, because who needs platforming skill when you can just grind for upgrades? There’s also a two-player mode where one person plays as DK and the other plays as… Pauline? Seriously? I guess someone has to sing backup while DK throws barrels. And of course, there’s Amiibo support, because Nintendo loves milking that cash cow.🐮 You can get a DK & Pauline figure that unlocks Pauline’s “Diva Dress.” Because nothing says “platforming adventure” like fashion.💃
So, while we still don’t know why Pauline is suddenly fun-sized, Donkey Kong Bananza is launching on the Nintendo Switch 2 on July 17, 2025. Get ready to shell out your hard-earned cash for a game that will probably be just as good as DK: Barrel Blast.👍
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
