Oh, honey, hold onto your controllers! 🎮 Microsoft, the benevolent overlord of gaming, is at it again! Seems like those billions they spent on Activision Blizzard didn’t magically sprout money trees. Instead, they’re pruning the workforce like a demented gardener with a rusty pair of shears. ✂️
According to ✨Variety✨ (because who needs real sources, amirite?), Microsoft is chopping off a whopping 4% of its workforce. That’s roughly 228,000 souls, people! And yes, the gaming division is getting a nice, big, juicy slice of that layoff pie. 🥧 Remember those rumors? Turns out, they were less rumor and more like a prophecy foretold by a slightly-too-loud gamer on Reddit.
In a memo so heartfelt it could curdle milk, Phil “The Feels” Spencer (aka the Head Honcho of Xbox) bleated about “strategic growth areas” and “removing layers of management.” Translation: “We have no freakin’ clue what we’re doing, so we’re firing people and hoping something sticks.” He also promised to share “specific details” with team leaders “out of respect for those impacted.” Yeah, because nothing says “respect” like a pink slip. 💌
But wait, there’s more! 🤡 Remember Everwild? That game Rare announced back in 2019 with all the fanfare of a wet fart? Yeah, that’s been yeeted into the abyss. 🗑️ Sources (aka people who are probably updating their LinkedIn profiles as we speak) say that Rare is getting a “broader restructuring.” Which is corporate speak for “We’re gonna gut the place and turn it into a Sea of Thieves theme park.” 🏴☠️
Apparently, development on Everwild was “tumultuous.” Translation: “It was a hot mess from day one.” Phil Spencer, bless his heart, swore up and down that the game was still in development. Liar, liar, pants on fire! 🔥
And just when you thought the drama was over, enter Laura Fryer, former Microsoft Game Studios co-founder, with some “pointed criticism.” She basically said Microsoft has no idea what it’s doing with hardware and can’t seem to produce a decent first-party title to save its life. 💀 Ouch. Tell us how you really feel, Laura!
But hey, this is just par for the course, right? Microsoft has been laying people off like it’s a competitive sport. First, they axed 1,900 after the Activision Blizzard deal. Then, they closed Arkane Austin and Tango Gameworks (RIP Hi-Fi Rush). And let’s not forget the 6,000 they canned in May 2025. At this point, they should just rename the company “Microsoft Layoffs Inc.” 🏢
I rate it: 10/10. 🤣
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
