OMG! SLAYER, those “retired” thrash metal legends (air quotes for dramatic effect), graced us with their presence at Blackweir Fields in Cardiff on Thursday, July 3rd. It was their first show of 2025 and their first U.K. gig in SIX YEARS! 😱 Did anyone actually miss them? Asking for a friend. They even had a whole bunch of opening acts: AMON AMARTH, ANTHRAX (who?), MASTODON (zzzz), HATEBREED (more like HATEFEED, amirite?), and some band called NECKBREAKKER (probably broke their necks trying to be cool).
So, these “massive” shows at Blackweir Fields and Finsbury Park are apparently the biggest SLAYER has ever played in the U.K. EVER! 🙄 Who knew? And get this – they’re the ONLY headline shows they’re doing in Europe this year. So special. So unique. NOT! 🤣
But wait, there’s more drama! Apparently, some fans are super salty because they paid, like, a bajillion pounds for tickets, and then Ticketmaster (aka the devil) started selling them for £20. £20! The audacity! 😡
One “true fan” whined to WalesOnline (because that’s where you go for serious news, duh): “We all paid £103 upwards for tickets! We want free stuff!” 😭 Poor babies. Maybe they should have waited for the inevitable discount, lol. They’re demanding refunds and free T-shirts. FREE T-SHIRTS! The entitlement is real. 🤣 They also want drink vouchers, but some of them don’t even drink! The horror! 🍸🚫
Anyway, here’s the setlist from the Cardiff show. Prepare to be underwhelmed:
01. South Of Heaven (because originality is overrated)
02. Repentless (more like Repetitive-less, am I right?)
03. Disciple (of boredom)
04. Die By The Sword (or maybe just a paper cut)
05. Jihad (oops, did they just get canceled?)
06. War Ensemble (more like Snore Ensemble)
07. Chemical Warfare (hopefully not on the audience)
08. Reborn (again? Seriously?)
09. Mandatory Suicide (don’t tempt me)
10. Born Of Fire (more like Born Of Tired)
11. Dead Skin Mask (appropriate for their fanbase)
12. Spirit In Black (first time since 2017! Groundbreaking!)
13. Hate Worldwide (pot calling the kettle black?)
14. Seasons In The Abyss (of despair)
15. Hell Awaits (so does the retirement home)
16. 213 (what does it even mean?)
17. Postmortem (fitting)
18. Raining Blood (more like Raining Mild Disappointment)
19. Black Magic (still trying to be edgy, huh?)
20. Angel Of Death (more like Angel Of Yawn)
There’s fan-filmed video below, if you’re into that sort of thing. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. 😴
In a recent interview with Australia’s Metal Roos (because who else would interview them?), Kerry King (aka the guy who still thinks it’s cool to wear chains) said they’re “never gonna tour again” and “never gonna make a record again.” 🤔 But didn’t they say that, like, five years ago? Liars! 🤥
He also said it’s “really cool” that they’re back. Yeah, cool for their bank accounts, maybe. 🙄 He claims it’s for the kids who were too young to see them before. As if those kids even care. 🤣
King also whined about the timing of the reunion announcement, because it clashed with his new solo band. Boo hoo. 😭 Maybe he should have thought about that before “retiring.” 🤷♀️
He then reminisced about their reunion shows last year, saying he got “goosebumps.” 🙄 Yeah, goosebumps from realizing how much money they could still make. 💰💰💰
At Riot Fest and Aftershock, they played the same 20 songs they’ve been playing for the last 40 years. So exciting! 🎉
They were supposed to play Louder Than Life, but it got canceled because of the weather. Karma, maybe? ⛈️
The lineup is the same as always: King, Paul Bostaph, Araya, and Gary Holt. Yawn. 😴
King‘s solo album came out in May. I’m sure it’s great. NOT! 🤣
In another interview, King talked about how Jeff Hanneman‘s death affected his relationship with Araya. Apparently, Tom took it harder than Kerry did. 💔 No surprise there. He also said they don’t talk on the phone or text each other. Sounds like a healthy relationship! 👍
He admitted that they’re “very different people” and that’s why they split up in the first place. But hey, at least they made some “great music” together. Air quotes again! 😉
Rolling Stone asked King if their differing political views played a role in the split. Apparently, Araya posted something pro-Trump on SLAYER‘s Instagram account, and King got mad. 😡 But not mad enough to quit the band, apparently. 🙄
Before the reunion, King said he hadn’t talked to Araya since 2019. “Not even a text. Not even an e-mail.” Sounds like they really missed each other! 🥰
SLAYER‘s only U.S. East Coast show in 2025 is in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Because nothing says metal like chocolate! 🍫
Here are some videos, if you’re still reading this:
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
