Oh, great. Another cinematic masterpiece in the making. 🙄 Jon M. Chu, the visionary behind such groundbreaking films as… *checks notes*… Crazy Rich Asians, is now gracing us with his “talent” to direct a live-action Hot Wheels movie. Because, you know, what the world REALLY needs is a film about toy cars. 🚗💨
I mean, seriously? Is Hollywood completely out of ideas? Are they just scraping the bottom of the barrel now? I guess so. Next, they will make a live action movie about my old socks.
Robbie Brenner, the president and chief content officer of Mattel Studios (yes, that’s a real job title), said something about Jon’s “ability to craft rich, elaborate worlds.” Rich and elaborate like a plastic racetrack? I’m sure the deep, meaningful narrative will explore the complex relationship between a blue car and a red car as they race each other. 🤯
And get this, Jon himself is “thrilled” to be working on this cinematic triumph. He’s “excited to partner with Mattel Studios.” I bet he is. Probably picturing swimming in a pool of money 💰 like Scrooge McDuck. Who wouldn’t be thrilled to sell their artistic soul for a paycheck?
He also said, “Hot Wheels has always been about more than speed — it’s about imagination, connection and the thrill of play.” Oh, please. It’s about plastic cars going vroom vroom. Let’s not pretend it’s some profound statement on the human condition.
Jesse Ehrman from Warner Bros. Pictures thinks Jon is the “perfect” director. Of course, he does. Because what better way to elevate a brand than by hiring someone who directed a movie about rich people? Makes perfect sense. 👍
Apparently, Jon had a life-changing meeting with Steven Spielberg. Spielberg shared candy with him! 🍬🍭OMG! No wonder he’s so inspired to bring us the next great American film: Hot Wheels. I’m sure Spielberg is just bursting with pride.
And let’s not forget the “talented writing duo of Juel and Tony.” These are the geniuses who will craft the Oscar-worthy script about… *checks notes again*… toy cars. I can already see the headlines: “Juel and Tony win Best Original Screenplay for Hot Wheels!” 🏆
So, get ready, folks. Prepare yourselves for a visual spectacle that will redefine cinema as we know it. A movie that will capture the “heart, adrenaline, and spirit” of Hot Wheels. Or, you know, just another soulless cash grab designed to sell more plastic toys. 🤷♀️
I, for one, am eagerly awaiting the inevitable sequel: Hot Wheels: The Revenge of the Unsold Cars. 🚗💥🔥
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
