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Month: July 2025

Elon Musk’s New Political Party: Because Rocket Science Wasn’t Hard Enough
Elephant Reads CNN

Elon Musk’s New Political Party: Because Rocket Science Wasn’t Hard Enough

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Elon Musk, the left’s shiny new toy, is threatening to start his own “America party” because he’s “disappointed” in our…

Denis Villeneuve Directing Bond? More Like Bore-is Villeneuve
Breaking, Movie News

Denis Villeneuve Directing Bond? More Like Bore-is Villeneuve

FinnJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

OMG! 😱 Denis Villeneuve, the guy who made sand look interesting for 3 hours, is directing the new James Bond…

Oasis Milks (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? for 30th Anniversary Cash Grab
Breaking, Music News

Oasis Milks (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? for 30th Anniversary Cash Grab

Chord F. DiscordJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Oasis, those purveyors of slightly-above-average Britpop, have announced details of deluxe formats of (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? to celebrate the album…

Bryan Kohberger’s Plea Deal: Will the Judge Let Him Off Easy or Will Justice Actually Be Served | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Bryan Kohberger’s Plea Deal: Will the Judge Let Him Off Easy or Will Justice Actually Be Served | CNN

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Another day, another example of the radical left’s agenda to undermine justice and appease criminals! CNN is reporting that a…

Nintendo Accidentally Reveals Switch 2 Sales Projections, Claims It Was Just a Typo, LOL
Breaking, Games News

Nintendo Accidentally Reveals Switch 2 Sales Projections, Claims It Was Just a Typo, LOL

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Oh, the Nintendo Switch 2, that little plastic box of dreams (and crushing debt for your parents). Apparently, it was…

“Our Secrets Are The Same,” Yawn, Said Jim Kerr and Charlie Burchill, As If We Care
Breaking

“Our Secrets Are The Same,” Yawn, Said Jim Kerr and Charlie Burchill, As If We Care

Chord F. DiscordJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Our Secrets Are The Same is supposedly a “remarkable” joint memoir by Simple Minds founding members Jim Kerr and Charlie…

Leaked: John Roberts’ Guide to Supreme Court Domination (As Told By CNN)
Elephant Reads CNN

Leaked: John Roberts’ Guide to Supreme Court Domination (As Told By CNN)

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Ah, CNN, still trying to undermine our glorious President Trump even in his second term! This time, they’re whining about…

Chuck E. Cheese: Now Catering to Adults Who Never Grew Up
Elephant Reads CNN

Chuck E. Cheese: Now Catering to Adults Who Never Grew Up

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Folks, are you ready for some hard-hitting journalism? CNN is reporting that Chuck E. Cheese, yes, that bastion of family…

Clawfinger Drops New Single ‘Scum’ – Because Apparently, Trump’s Still Living Rent-Free in Their Heads
Breaking, Music News

Clawfinger Drops New Single ‘Scum’ – Because Apparently, Trump’s Still Living Rent-Free in Their Heads

Chord F. DiscordJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

OMG! CLAWFINGER, those geriatric Swedish rap-metal dudes, just dropped a music video for their new single, “Scum”. 🙄 Apparently, it’s…

VICIOUS RUMORS Drop New Single ‘Crack The Sky In Half’ – Prepare For Disappointment
Breaking, Music News

VICIOUS RUMORS Drop New Single ‘Crack The Sky In Half’ – Prepare For Disappointment

Chord F. DiscordJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

VICIOUS RUMORS, those lovable dinosaurs 🦖 of U.S. power metal (allegedly), have graced us with a “music video” 📹 for…

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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