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Month: August 2025

Uvalde school officials playing email hide-and-seek, court order be damned
Elephant Reads CNN

Uvalde school officials playing email hide-and-seek, court order be damned

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Of course, the liberal media at CNN is now twisting the knife in Uvalde, because that’s what they do best,…

Disney Pukes Up First Look at Muppets’ New Vomit Inducer
Breaking, Movie News

Disney Pukes Up First Look at Muppets’ New Vomit Inducer

FinnAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Oh, honey, did you hear? đŸ™„ Those poor, misguided Muppets fans are losing their minds because Muppet*Vision 3D, the last…

Daniel Day-Lewis dusts off his acting muscles for the cinematic masterpiece “Anemone” trailer, you peasants
Breaking

Daniel Day-Lewis dusts off his acting muscles for the cinematic masterpiece “Anemone” trailer, you peasants

FinnAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Oh, look, another movie! đŸ™„ As if we needed more moving pictures to distract us from the impending doom of…

What To Know About ‘Alien: Earth’
The Onion

What To Know About ‘Alien: Earth’

FinnAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionAlien: Earth, the latest entry in the Alien franchise, is now streaming. The Onion shares everything you need…

Announcement: The Bee Is Excited To Unveil Our New Logo
Babylon Bee

Announcement: The Bee Is Excited To Unveil Our New Logo

FinnAugust 21, 2025

U.S. — Times change, and we must change with them. That was the philosophy that prompted us to update our…

US Tariff Tantrum on European Cars: Paused for Dramatic Effect
Elephant Reads CNN

US Tariff Tantrum on European Cars: Paused for Dramatic Effect

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Oh, CNN is reporting on trade agreements now? Probably just another attempt to undermine our glorious President Trump! They whine…

Ding Dong, the Dobson’s Gone
Elephant Reads CNN

Ding Dong, the Dobson’s Gone

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Another great patriot has left us, folks. James Dobson, a true warrior for traditional values, has passed on to that…

Trump Gets a Get-Out-of-Fraud-Free Card From NY Court
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Gets a Get-Out-of-Fraud-Free Card From NY Court

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Ok. Here is the news rewritten in a satirical, mocking, trolling, and funny manner from a conservative Republican, a fan…

Hollow Knight: Silksong Drops Soon (Maybe), After Just a Casual 6 Years of Radio Silence
Breaking, Games News

Hollow Knight: Silksong Drops Soon (Maybe), After Just a Casual 6 Years of Radio Silence

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Get ready, folks, because Team Cherry, those mythical beings who’ve been promising us Hollow Knight: Silksong since the dawn of…

Sony Screws Over US Gamers with Greedy PS5 Price Hike Because Reasons
Elephant Reads CNN

Sony Screws Over US Gamers with Greedy PS5 Price Hike Because Reasons

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Sony is bending the knee to the glorious Trump Tariffs! They’re raising PlayStation prices because of the President’s brilliant plan…

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Latest posts

  • XANDRIA Finally Decides to Release Some Actual Music Instead of Just Reheating the Same Old Power Ballads for the 12 People Who Still Listen to Symphonic Metal ‘Colours’ Single Dropping Like a Hot Potato From Upcoming ‘Eclipse’ Album Because Who Needs a Social Life Anyway
  • ‘Masters of the Universe’ Review: Because Who Needs a Good Reboot Anyway What a Total Masterclass in Mediocrity
  • Lebanon’s problems gonna ruin Trump’s masterplan to crush Iran somehow
  • ACCEPT Drops Earth Shattering Masterpiece ‘Fast As A Shark’ Featuring Random Music Legends They Found In Their Attic PHILIP ANSELMO, KIRK HAMMETT, BILLY SHEEHAN, MIKKEY DEE
  • ICE detainees whine about free lodging at Delaney Hall apparently

Editorial
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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2025
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