Carpenter’s Kid: Cage Rage, Twiggy Terror, and Biblical B-Movie Mayhem

OMG! 😱 They actually greenlit this?! The Carpenter’s Son is allegedly a “horror” film (we’ll see about that 🙄) brought to you by the visionary (debatable) Lotfy Nathan. Prepare yourselves for cinematic genius (or maybe just a train wreck 🚂💥) starring the one, the only, Nicolas Cage, alongside the ethereal FKA Twigs, child actor Noah Jupe, and Souheila Yacoub. Will it be good? Will it be bad? Who cares, it’s NICOLAS CAGE! 🤪

So, the story, allegedly, involves a family hiding in Roman Egypt. Groundbreaking stuff, I know. 🙄 Apparently, “the Boy” (because originality is overrated) starts having doubts (teen angst, amirite?) thanks to some other kid. Cue rebellion against his “guardian” (aka the Carpenter, duh!) and the sudden appearance of superpowers! ✨ Because why not? Then, horrors, both “natural and divine” (whatever that means 🤷‍♀️), target them. Sounds like a party! 🎉

And we get a “teaser” – a whopping 14 seconds of “strange and striking imagery.” More like 14 seconds of “what the heck did I just watch?!” 🤔 But hey, at least it’s something, right? Maybe? Probably not. 😅

Apparently, Nathan got “inspired” by some ancient text called the Infancy Gospel of Thomas. So, basically, it’s a biblical fanfic gone wrong. ✍️ Fantastic! The film is coming out this autumn, just in time to confuse and terrify your relatives during Thanksgiving. 🦃 Enjoy! 😈

Finn

Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.

Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.

Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.