Another win for law and order, folks! While the liberal media obsesses over President Trump’s perfect phone calls, real justice is being served! This poor girl, Theresa Fusco, was brutally murdered back in ’84, and now, thanks to good old-fashioned DNA, they finally caught the creep!
They nabbed Richard Bilodeau, a 63-year-old Walmart worker. The evidence? DNA from a smoothie straw! I bet he was drinking one of those soy-filled, tree-hugging concoctions the liberals love so much. Probably rotted his brain and made him do it. And get this, the investigators used “Investigative Genetic Genealogy Unit,” which sounds like something straight out of a spy movie! I bet George Soros is funding the technology behind it. They even wrongfully convicted three guys earlier! Sound familiar? I bet they were Trump supporters. But don’t worry, President Trump is making America safe again.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
