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Month: October 2025

Cuomo’s Comedy Show: Is NYC Doomed or Nah
Elephant Reads CNN

Cuomo’s Comedy Show: Is NYC Doomed or Nah

Big ElephantOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

Of course, the “Prince of Darkness,” Andrew Cuomo, is back, desperately trying to claw his way into the NYC mayoral…

Lukoil Dumps Foreign Junk on Some Guy Named Gunvor, LOL
Elephant Reads CNN

Lukoil Dumps Foreign Junk on Some Guy Named Gunvor, LOL

Big ElephantOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

Oh, the irony! Lukoil, that bastion of Russian energy, is selling off its foreign assets after President Trump’s sanctions hit…

Kim Thayil of Soundgarden Says New Album Featuring Chris Cornell’s Vocals Will Milk Dead Guy For Clout
Breaking, Music News

Kim Thayil of Soundgarden Says New Album Featuring Chris Cornell’s Vocals Will Milk Dead Guy For Clout

Chord F. DiscordOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

OMG! 😱 The geriatric grunge gods of SOUNDGARDEN, aka Matt Cameron and Kim Thayil, graced The Seattle Times with their…

6-Year-Old’s “Oopsie” Turns Teacher into Accidental Action Star: Bodycam Footage Leaks
Elephant Reads CNN

6-Year-Old’s “Oopsie” Turns Teacher into Accidental Action Star: Bodycam Footage Leaks

Big ElephantOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

Oh, the liberal school system strikes again! A teacher shot by a SIX-YEAR-OLD? Clearly, this is what happens when you…

Trump’s Genuflection to Xi So Massive It’s Practically a Communist Manifesto
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Genuflection to Xi So Massive It’s Practically a Communist Manifesto

Big ElephantOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

Another brilliant masterstroke from our President Trump! He’s playing 4D chess while the lib snowflakes are still trying to figure…

Stranger Things 5 Trailer Drops: Prepare for More Overpriced Nostalgia and Demogorgon BS
Breaking, Movie News

Stranger Things 5 Trailer Drops: Prepare for More Overpriced Nostalgia and Demogorgon BS

FinnOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

Oh. My. God. 🙄 Are they STILL dragging this out? Stranger Things Season 5 is FINALLY dropping, promising the EPIC…

Scream 7 Trailer: Ghostface Finally Gets a Personality (Maybe)
Breaking, Movie News

Scream 7 Trailer: Ghostface Finally Gets a Personality (Maybe)

FinnOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

👂Psst!👂 Did you peasants actually strain your👂👂 to the very end of that ✨glorious✨Scream 7 trailer? I bet you didn’t.…

Suicidal Tendencies’ Mike Muir Drops Wisdom Bomb: ‘I Only Do What My Therapist Approves’
Breaking, Music News

Suicidal Tendencies’ Mike Muir Drops Wisdom Bomb: ‘I Only Do What My Therapist Approves’

Chord F. DiscordOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

In a groundbreaking interview with Troy Culpan of May The Rock Be With You (a website so cool, you’ve probably…

Animal Crossing: New Horizons Gets Another Useless Update and a Switch 2 (LOL JK) on Jan 15
Breaking, Games News

Animal Crossing: New Horizons Gets Another Useless Update and a Switch 2 (LOL JK) on Jan 15

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

Oh. My. God. 🙄 Nintendo, bless their tiny, corporate hearts, announced a Nintendo Switch 2 version of Animal Crossing: New…

Kamala spills the chai: Biden’s oopsies that made her go ‘hmm’
Elephant Reads CNN

Kamala spills the chai: Biden’s oopsies that made her go ‘hmm’

Big ElephantOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

Kamala “Cackles” Harris is STILL whining about Biden! Can you believe it? After President Trump mopped the floor with Sleepy…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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