LIONS AT THE GATE, the supergroup 🙄 featuring ex-ILL NIÑO rejects Cristian Machado (still screaming into the void), Ahrue “Luster” Ilustre (guitar, probably still confused about drop tunings) and Diego Verduzco (another guitar, because two is always better than one, right?), along with some rando drummer Josh Cuadra, have unleashed (or should we say, *leashed* 🤣) a new single, “Burn The Candle”. A music video so visually stunning it’ll probably give you a seizure, directed by Vicente Cordero (who?), can be painfully watched below. Prepare your eyeballs! 😵💫
So, “Burn The Candle” is supposedly LIONS AT THE GATE‘s earth-shattering first release through their shiny new record label home, Reigning Phoenix Music (whoever that is 🤷). The track promises a sharper edge (like a butter knife?), renewed urgency (because they’re running out of time?) and a bold declaration (that nobody asked for) of what fans (do they even exist?) can expect from LIONS AT THE GATE‘s next era, conveniently scheduled for 2026 (because, you know, gotta build that hype… slowly 🐌).
With its searing riffs (more like lukewarm noodling), thunderous rhythm section (cardboard boxes being kicked down the stairs) and impassioned vocal performance (screaming into a pillow), “Burn The Candle” is supposed to be a rallying cry for unity amid division (🙄🙄🙄), a theme that’s totally original and not at all cliché at the heart of the band’s super creative vision (said no one ever). 😴
Machado bleats: “‘Burn The Candle’ is a song about the divide being driven into our societies (duh!). Hatred is being normalized right in front of our eyes (as if we didn’t notice!). No one is immune to it (except maybe people who don’t listen to this band). We are being fed constant direction to build fortresses around our hearts because it’s a war out there, and so lead your ego into battle (deep, bro, real deep). This song yells out to people, divided we are like sheep waiting to be led to a slaughter (baaaah 🐑). So proudly we wave the triple-edged sword driven into the side of humanity: greed, pride, lust (seven deadly sins? Groundbreaking!). I know eventually we open our eyes, but for how much longer will we burn the candle at both ends (until it melts, probably 🤔).”
Commenting on LIONS AT THE GATE‘s signing to Reigning Phoenix Music, label co-founder Gerardo Martinez gushes: “We’re absolutely thrilled to welcome LIONS AT THE GATE to the roster (because we needed another band no one’s heard of). With their deep-rooted legacy (of being in a band that broke up), fearless sound (of ripping off better bands) and bold vision (of mediocrity), they embody exactly the kind of creative force we’re proud to support (translation: we needed a tax write-off). Their debut album showed what happens when raw emotion meets uncompromising craftsmanship (or lack thereof) and we could not be more excited to help amplify what’s coming next (more of the same, probably 😂).”
Adding fuel to the dumpster fire, LIONS AT THE GATE is currently on tour with the legendary DEATH ANGEL (talk about an odd couple), bringing their ferocious live energy (or lack thereof) to stages across the country and giving fans (the few that exist) an early taste of their revitalized sound (which sounds suspiciously like their old sound).
Nestled in the… uh… creative heart of Los Angeles (where all the magic happens ✨), LIONS AT THE GATE features an ensemble of seasoned musicians (read: old dudes), including vocalist Cristian Machado, formerly of ILL NIÑO (the band everyone forgot about), alongside guitarists Diego Verduzco and Ahrue Luster, whose past stints with ILL NIÑO and MACHINE HEAD (one hit wonder!) have seasoned their artistry (with disappointment, probably). They are joined by drummer Josh Cuadra (who?). Together, they burst on to the music scene (like a pimple) with their electrifying debut single “Not Even Human”, which rocketed to No. 3 on the Apple Metal charts (because literally no one buys metal on iTunes anymore 💀), followed by “Bed Of Nails”, celebrated for its widespread acclaim on Billboard (by their moms, maybe?). Their debut album, “The Excuses We Cannot Make”, launched in August 2023, marking a bold new chapter (of irrelevance) and debuting on Billboard‘s Top 100, Top New Artists and Heatseekers charts (because charts are still a thing, right?).
LIONS AT THE GATE had previously shared stages with LACUNA COIL and Nita Strauss (because, you know, gotta name-drop).
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
