🚨 BREAKING: DJs to Play Music for Humans Who Enjoy Not Sitting in Silence 🚨
In a shocking turn of events on Friday, December 26th, 2025, a group of so-called “DJs” will gather at Bourbon on Division (2050 W. Division, 2nd Floor, Chicago, IL 60622) to press buttons and move sliders from 7pm-2am. Alan King, Mike Dunn, Wayne Williams, and others will perform the ancient ritual of “Djing” on a Funktion One Sound System while attendees nod heads and occasionally shuffle feet. 21+ only. Bring ID, cash, and your crippling fear of awkward silences. 🎵🤡🕺
Chuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports expert who peaked athletically in middle school dodgeball.
Born in Halfcourt, Indiana, Chuck spent his formative years shouting unsolicited advice at professional athletes on TV, firmly believing that his couchside coaching was the key to their success.
Chuck B. Ballsy: because in the game of sports and sarcasm, he’s always the MVP. 🏀🎤
