Democrats Expel Fetterman After Repeated Warnings To Stop Supporting America
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Democrats voted to expel Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman on Thursday after their repeated warnings for…
Day: March 12, 2026
Man Hires Oscars Orchestra To Play ‘Wrap It Up’ Music When Wife’s Stories Go Too Long
MILWAUKEE, WI — Local man Ed Clayfield reportedly saved himself an extended period of suffering by hiring members of…
SAVE Act Passes After Mike Lee Cleverly Changes Its Name To The ‘Give Congress A Raise Act’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite early indications to the contrary, the Senate passed the SAVE Act after Senator Mike Lee…
Harry Styles Breaks Down His New Album Track By Track
Harry Styles has released Kiss All the Time. Disco, Occasionally, his fourth studio album. The pop star sat down…
Oscars Add More Guards Because FBI Thinks Terrorists Want Red Carpet Selfies Too
Well, well, well, look who’s decided to go full Fort Knox for a night of self-congratulatory back-patting! The 98th Academy…
Gavin Newsom Confidently Declares California Safe from Iranian Drones, FBI Memo Be Damned
Oh look, Gavin Newsom’s in a panic over some unverified Iranian drone threats—how convenient for the Golden State’s drama queen…
Saipan Preview: Legendary Soccer Player Roy Keane’s Epic Tale Drops This March—Get Ready to Witness the Glory of His Glorious Glory!
Football, the beautiful game where overpaid athletes chase a ball for 90 minutes while the rest of us pretend it…
OVERKILL Gears Up to Over-Record New Album This Spring/Summer, Promises to Overwhelm Fans by Late 2026
Oh, look who’s still alive and making music in 2026! That’s right, it’s everyone’s favorite New Jersey thrash veterans OVERKILL,…
‘Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory’ Is a Secret Massacre Movie That Will Make You Question Your Childhood
If I wanted to torture my brother when we were kids, I only needed to say two words: “Blueberry Girl.”…
Fiery Explosion Erupts In L.A. Canyon After Britney Spears Twirls Over Guardrail
The post Fiery Explosion Erupts In L.A. Canyon After Britney Spears Twirls Over Guardrail appeared first on The Onion.…