Oh look, Gavin Newsom’s in a panic over some unverified Iranian drone threats—how convenient for the Golden State’s drama queen governor!
California’s favorite hair gel enthusiast, Governor Gavin Newsom, is all worked up over an FBI memo warning of Iranian “aspirations” to send drones from a mystery ship off California’s coast. Unverified? Unvetted? No problem!—Newsom’s already coordinating with his security team like it’s the apocalypse.
The memo, which federal officials called “aspirational” (translation: probably fake news), claims Iran wants to retaliate if the U.S. hits them first. But hey, why let facts ruin a good fear-mongering session?
President Trump, ever the calm voice of reason, said the government’s “investigating” but shrugged it off like a true leader. When asked about Iranian sleeper cells, he simply replied, “I have been [briefed].” Meanwhile, Newsom’s out here posting on social media like he’s starring in his own disaster movie.
Federal agents share these wild goose chase reports daily, but leave it to California to treat it like a state emergency. Maybe Newsom should focus less on imaginary drone armies and more on, I don’t know, fixing the state’s actual problems?
Stay tuned for Newsom’s next dramatic press conference—probably about aliens or Bigfoot.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
