Insomniac & The Vanguard Present: Wooden Wisdom – Because Elijah Wood Needs a Side Hustle
🎧 Featuring Frodo Baggins and his buddy who probably picks his music. 🎵
Doors: 8pm EST (because bedtimes are for Muggles)
NO REFUNDS – Even if you realize mid-set that this is a fever dream.
Parking: 42 W Concord St (spooky number, spooky vibes)
18+ ONLY – Sorry, tweens. No LOTR merch allowed.
Denial of Entry: If you look confused, we reserve the right to question your life choices.
Resale PSA: Only Tixel is legit. StubHub? More like Stub-Your-Foot-In-Your-Mouth.
Bottom Line: It’s a rave. With Frodo. Don’t overthink it. 🍄
Chuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports expert who peaked athletically in middle school dodgeball.
Born in Halfcourt, Indiana, Chuck spent his formative years shouting unsolicited advice at professional athletes on TV, firmly believing that his couchside coaching was the key to their success.
Chuck B. Ballsy: because in the game of sports and sarcasm, he’s always the MVP. 🏀🎤
