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Month: March 2026

Oh No, They Added More Places for Hello Kitty to Make You Spend Money in This Island Hellscape DLC
Breaking, Games News

Oh No, They Added More Places for Hello Kitty to Make You Spend Money in This Island Hellscape DLC

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 25, 2026March 25, 2026

Oh look, Hello Kitty Island Adventure is getting another DLC! Because apparently, one adorable island paradise wasn’t enough for our…

Pokémon Champions: Because Who Needs a Full Game When You Can Pay for the Privilege? Coming April 8 to Your Wallet’s Doom!
Breaking, Games News

Pokémon Champions: Because Who Needs a Full Game When You Can Pay for the Privilege? Coming April 8 to Your Wallet’s Doom!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 25, 2026March 25, 2026

Oh, great, another Pokémon game—because clearly, what the world needs now is more ways to watch little creatures punch each…

Harry Potter’s Big Comeback: First Look Drops, Trailer Teases Tomorrow—Grab Your Wands and Popcorn!
OMG, THEY’RE DOING IT AGAIN. THE *HARRY POTTER* REBOOT IS HERE, AND IT’S COMING FOR YOUR WALLET
Breaking, Movie News

Harry Potter’s Big Comeback: First Look Drops, Trailer Teases Tomorrow—Grab Your Wands and Popcorn!

FinnMarch 25, 2026March 25, 2026

If you thought the wizarding world was safely tucked away in the annals of nostalgia, think again. HBO just dropped…

McDonald’s ‘KPop Demon Hunters’ Meal: Because Even Satan Needs His Happy Meal
McDonald's Unleashes KPop Demon Hunters Meal—Because Your Stomach Needs a Soundtrack
Breaking, Movie News

McDonald’s ‘KPop Demon Hunters’ Meal: Because Even Satan Needs His Happy Meal

FinnMarch 25, 2026March 25, 2026

Oh, look, McDonald’s has decided your taste buds are too vanilla and needs to drop a KPop Demon Hunters collab.…

Netflix’s ‘13 Going on 30’ Reboot: Because We All Needed More Regret and Sparkly Dresses in Our Lives
Breaking, Movie News

Netflix’s ‘13 Going on 30’ Reboot: Because We All Needed More Regret and Sparkly Dresses in Our Lives

FinnMarch 25, 2026March 25, 2026

Oh, great. Another remake. Just what we needed. As if the world wasn’t already overflowing with recycled content, Netflix is…

GEORGE LYNCH: Getting Up Close And Personal With EDDIE VAN HALEN In The 1970s Was A Total Brain-Melting, Mind-Bending, “How The Heck Did He Do That?” Experience
George Lynch Shares Priceless Van Halen Stories
Breaking, Music News

GEORGE LYNCH: Getting Up Close And Personal With EDDIE VAN HALEN In The 1970s Was A Total Brain-Melting, Mind-Bending, “How The Heck Did He Do That?” Experience

Chord F. DiscordMarch 25, 2026March 25, 2026

So George Lynch, the dude from Dokken, was recently jawing with Tommy Colletti from The Music Zoo, and apparently Lynch…

OpenAI Pulls Plug on Sora Video App: Because Who Needs Innovation Anyway?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

OpenAI Pulls Plug on Sora Video App: Because Who Needs Innovation Anyway?

Big ElephantMarch 25, 2026March 25, 2026

Liberal Tech Elites Suffer Another Embarrassing Defeat as OpenAI Kills Off Woke Video App Well, well, well! It looks like…

Republican Phil Berger, One of North Carolina’s Most Powerful Politicians, Throws in the Towel on State Senate Race Because Democracy Demands It (Or Maybe He Just Got Tired of Winning)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Republican Phil Berger, One of North Carolina’s Most Powerful Politicians, Throws in the Towel on State Senate Race Because Democracy Demands It (Or Maybe He Just Got Tired of Winning)

Big ElephantMarch 25, 2026March 25, 2026

North Carolina’s Most Powerful GOP Senator Takes a Dirt Nap Thanks to MAGA Anger Well, well, well… look who just…

Prosecutor Confesses: No Evidence, Just Fed-Up Over Powell’s Fancy Office Makeover
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Prosecutor Confesses: No Evidence, Just Fed-Up Over Powell’s Fancy Office Makeover

Big ElephantMarch 25, 2026March 25, 2026

DOJ Prosecutor Admits No Evidence of Fed Crimes, Still Blames Powell Anyway Well, folks, here we go again with the…

The second dog feels neglected
Videos

The second dog feels neglected

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 25, 2026

The dog was like, wtf do you mean man? Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world…

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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