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Day: May 7, 2026

Babylon Bee

Theologians Now Believe Everyone Gets Their Own G.I. Joe Aircraft Carrier In Heaven

FinnMay 7, 2026

    CAMBRIDGE — A paper published by professors at the University of Cambridge affirmed a long-speculated theory about Heaven, that…

Babylon Bee

Life Hack: To Save Money On Gas, Buy A Car With Two Steamroller Wheels Made Out Of Stone And Push It With Your Feet

FinnMay 7, 2026

    UNITED STATES — Do you feel like you are playing life on hard mode now that gas is $5…

Artist Profile: Noah Kahan
The Onion

Artist Profile: Noah Kahan

FinnMay 7, 2026

       Noah Kahan, the singer-songwriter behind “Stick Season,” has topped the Billboard 200 chart with his new album, The Great…

DAVE MUSTAINE: JAMES HETFIELD And I Were Basically The Dynamic Duo Of Metal Except When We Weren’t And I Got Kicked Out
Breaking, Music News

DAVE MUSTAINE: JAMES HETFIELD And I Were Basically The Dynamic Duo Of Metal Except When We Weren’t And I Got Kicked Out

Chord F. DiscordMay 7, 2026May 7, 2026

Breaking news: Dave Mustaine is retiring from music due to a condition that’s making it hard for him to play…

James Cameron Sued for Stealing Actress’ Face and Probably Her Soul Too for His Mega Blockbuster Avatar Because He’s a Creative Genius Like That
Breaking News: Actress Sues James Cameron and Disney for Allegedly Stealing Her Face, Because Who Needs Consent Anyway? 🤑👀
Breaking, Movie News

James Cameron Sued for Stealing Actress’ Face and Probably Her Soul Too for His Mega Blockbuster Avatar Because He’s a Creative Genius Like That

FinnMay 7, 2026May 7, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, Q’orianka Kilcher is suing the big cheeses, James Cameron and The Walt Disney Company,…

Fake news whines about Iran War benefiting America somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Fake news whines about Iran War benefiting America somehow

Big ElephantMay 7, 2026May 7, 2026

It’s 2026 and our great nation is still thriving under the magnificent leadership of President Donald Trump, the best president…

Halo Infinite RUINED Forever as Mysterious Halo Next Thingy Probably Means We’re Getting More of the Same Old Stuff and LOL No More Firefight: Gauntlet Who Even Cared Anyway
Breaking, Games News

Halo Infinite RUINED Forever as Mysterious Halo Next Thingy Probably Means We’re Getting More of the Same Old Stuff and LOL No More Firefight: Gauntlet Who Even Cared Anyway

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 7, 2026May 7, 2026

Today is a big day at Halo Studios, folks! 🎉👀 Halo Next has reportedly been uncovered by a new job…

Get Ready for the Most Underwhelming Experience of Your Life: Xbox Showcase Today Will Probably Delay Project Helix Again
Breaking, Events, Games News

Get Ready for the Most Underwhelming Experience of Your Life: Xbox Showcase Today Will Probably Delay Project Helix Again

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 7, 2026May 7, 2026

Get ready for the most epic, life-changing, and totally-not-overhyped announcement in gaming history: the next generation of Xbox is coming!…

Oh No The Apocalypse Is Near Only 282 Whole Entire US Outdoor Theaters Left To Watch Movies Under The Stars And Eat Overpriced Nachos
Breaking, Movie News

Oh No The Apocalypse Is Near Only 282 Whole Entire US Outdoor Theaters Left To Watch Movies Under The Stars And Eat Overpriced Nachos

FinnMay 7, 2026May 7, 2026

Oh joy, summer is finally here, and you know what that means… it’s time to squeeze into a hot car…

Diablo Immortal Is Doomed Because StarCraft Is Coming to Ruin Everything on May 13
Breaking News: Diablo Immortal and StarCraft are Colliding in a Limited-Time Event, Because Who Needs Sleep Anyway? 😴
Breaking, Games News

Diablo Immortal Is Doomed Because StarCraft Is Coming to Ruin Everything on May 13

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 7, 2026May 7, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, Blizzard Entertainment has announced that Diablo Immortal’s Sanctuary is about to get invaded by…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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