SLASH blesses us with same old music on slightly different colored vinyl because you didnt already waste enough money
Oh joy, oh rapture! It’s time to shell out some cash for more limited-edition vinyl releases, because what every metalhead…
Day: September 3, 2026
NYC Sees Safest Summer Ever Except For Jewish People Apparently
Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest crime stats in New York City, and let me tell…
Pete Hegseth Sets Up ‘Help Us Buy Missiles’ Lemonade Stand
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretary of War Pete Hegseth set up a lemonade stand by the Reflecting Pool in order…
KONAMI Rehashes Old Games With Fresh Cash Grabs
It’s been a wild ride, folks, but KONAMI is finally back in the game, and by game, I mean the…
ICE Agent Charged With Lying About Shooting Foreigner Because That’s Normal
Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about this ICE agent, Christian Castro, who’s been federally charged with lying about…
Weird Al Teams Up with Batman and Superman in DC Comics
Batman and Superman are teaming up with an unlikely ally to save the fifth dimension from creeping normality: “Weird Al”…
Rogers Stadium Hit With Significant Damage From Powerful Toronto Storm
Toronto’s Rogers Stadium sustained “significant damage” after a powerful storm tore through the city on Wednesday, September 2nd, leaving portions…
Gloria Steinem, Researcher Who Discovered Existence Of Women, Dead At 92
The post Gloria Steinem, Researcher Who Discovered Existence Of Women, Dead At 92 appeared first on The Onion. Read…
ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Donald J Trump calls ammo critics treasonous for wanting US to lose war
The ORANGE ORACLE has spoken, and the people are abuzz with the latest TRANSMISSION from the Mar-a-Lago Prophet. In a…
ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Trump claims vast ammo stockpile amid Iran operation
Breaking News: THE ORANGE ORACLE Unleashes Latest Transmission, Nation Holds Breath In a shocking turn of events, THE MAR-A-LAGO PROPHET,…