Oh, look, it’s Brucey baby rambling again! IRON MAIDEN’s frontman, the one and only (thankfully) Bruce Dickinson, decided to grace us with his presence on “Rock Of Nations With Dave Kinchen And Shane McEachern.” Apparently, they were discussing the totally-not-forgettable spring/summer 2025 European leg of the earth-shattering (not really) “Run For Your Lives” world tour. Yes, the tour that started in Budapest on May 27 and ended in Warsaw on August 2. Groundbreaking stuff, I know. But the real kicker? They had the audacity to replace our beloved Nicko with some bloke named Simon.
So, naturally, they asked Brucey if it felt “weird” and “surreal” not seeing Nicko behind the kit. As if we needed confirmation that something was off! 🙄 Here’s what Bruce, in his infinite wisdom, had to say (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET, because who else would bother?): “It’s not weird because what I’m hearing behind me is not Nicko.” Oh, you don’t say, Sherlock? 🕵️♂️ “So I don’t expect to see Nicko because everything about Simon is different.” Well, duh! Is Bruce trying to win a Nobel Prize for obviousness? 🏆 “His drums are tuned differently, he plays the songs with a different feel to Nick.” Gasp! The horror! A drummer playing drums differently! Next, he’ll tell us water is wet. 💦
But wait, it gets better! “The drums are tuned a lot lower, they’re much fatter.” Because clearly, that’s what the world needed: fatter drums. 🍔🥁 And then, the kicker: “Simon kind of sticks with the program in terms of the tempo of the song and everything. He’s absolutely scrupulous about cutting the right tempo every time.” Scrupulous? Is he a robot or a drummer? 🤖 I thought rock ‘n’ roll was about living on the edge, not adhering to a metronome like your life depends on it! 😬
Bruce continued, “So we actually, as a band, really kind of appreciate that.” Of course you do, Bruce. Because nothing screams “rock legend” like appreciating rigid adherence to tempo. 😒 “’Cause all the guitarists have big smiles, like Cheshire cats, [and MAIDEN bassist] Steve [Harris is] the same.” Ah yes, Cheshire cats. The epitome of rock ‘n’ roll. 😼 “’Cause everybody’s not feeling, like, ‘Whoa, hey, steady on there, trigger. Whoa, slow down there.'” So, basically, Simon is the musical equivalent of a tranquilizer. 😴
And then, the grand finale: “So that’s what Simon brings to it — there’s stability. And he doesn’t try to be Nicko. You can’t be Nicko. I mean, there’s only one Nicko; he is unique. That’s why we didn’t pick a clone. And there were plenty of drummers who could copy what Nicko did, but we don’t want one of those. We wanted somebody that had a different feel.” A “different feel”? More like a “completely devoid of personality” feel! 👻 They didn’t want a clone, they wanted a corporate drone. 🏢
Oh, and let’s not forget the touching tale of Nicko’s retirement. Our now-73-year-old (yes, 73!) Nicko (whose real name is Michael Henry McBrain, in case you care) announced his departure on December 7, 2024. He said his final show was in São Paulo. Sob story alert! 😭
And because every band needs a manager to state the obvious, Rod Smallwood chimed in with, “Thank you for being an irrepressible force behind the drum kit for MAIDEN for 42 years and my friend for even longer. I speak on behalf of all the band when I say we will miss you immensely!” Miss him? Then why replace him with a tempo-obsessed robot? 🤔
On December 8, 2024, they announced Dawson as the new guy. A native of Suffolk, because apparently, that’s the new hotbed for rock talent. 🔥
Simon teamed up with Steve Harris back in 2012, debuting on three tracks on Steve’s BRITISH LION project. Because everyone cares about side projects, right? 🙄
But wait, there’s more! In January 2023, Nicko had a stroke with partial paralysis. Poor bloke. 😔
When Nicko went public, he said the stroke left him “paralyzed” and “worried” his career was over. Cue the violins! 🎻
And because life wasn’t dramatic enough, five years ago, Nicko was diagnosed with stage 1 laryngeal cancer. He got it removed and gets check-ups. Good for him, I guess. 👍
Despite stepping away from touring, Nicko will remain connected to IRON MAIDEN. Because they need someone to fetch coffee. ☕
In conclusion, IRON MAIDEN replaced a legendary, albeit aging, drummer with a tempo-obsessed automaton. Rock ‘n’ roll is officially dead. 💀
