Bad Sign: Sushi Bar Run By White Dude
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Looking for authentic sushi at a reasonable price? Look elsewhere. Bushido Sushi may look the part,…
Month: January 2025
FBI Baffled Terrorist Attack Occurred As They Imprisoned All Jan 6 Attendees
U.S. — As the investigations continued into the deadly events of the new year, FBI agents were reportedly baffled that…
Study: Few Bursts Of Vigorous Movement May Cut Women’s Heart Risks
Read MoreThe OnionA study published in the British Journal Of Sports Medicine found that short bursts of movement throughout the…
12 Bible Characters Reveal Their New Year’s Resolutions
The start of the new year is traditionally a time when people make their resolutions to better themselves. While many…
Man Injured Protecting Wife From Polar Bear
Read MoreThe OnionA man has sustained serious injuries after rescuing his wife who was ambushed by a polar bear in…
FBI Asks X Users To Please Stop Solving Crimes Before They Do
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a formal statement, the FBI has called on Internet sleuths, particularly X users, to please stop…
Wife Announces New Year Resolutions For Husband
RED BLUFF, CA — As people ring in the new year by taking on resolutions meant to improve their lives,…
Slovenia Joins Star Citizen?! 🇸🇮🚀 Gamers Stunned by $60K BRATislava DLC!
Star Citizen, the galaxy’s most expensive PowerPoint presentation masquerading as a video game, is at it again with the announcement…
Disney Announces Live-Action Remake Of Animated Remake Of Live-Action Remake Of Animated Remake Of Live-Action Remake
BURBANK, CA — The Walt Disney Company announced a bold new take on a classic remake of a classic film…
FBI Assures Nation It Will Put Its Most Diverse Agents On Terror Case
NEW ORLEANS, LA — In the wake of the deadly New Year’s terrorist attack on Bourbon Street, the Federal Bureau…