Bollywood Buys Lionsgate: Michael Jackson’s Indian Accent Will Moonwalk You to Tears! 🌟
The iconic Hollywood studio Lionsgate, following a disastrous run of box office flops in 2024, including such «masterpieces» as «The…
Day: January 3, 2025
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Timothée Chalamet
    Read MoreThe OnionTimothĂ©e Chalamet stars as Bob Dylan in the new biopic A Complete Unknown, based on the book Dylan…
Lost VeggieTales Episode Discovered Where David Brings King Saul 200 Severed Pickle Tips
TUSTIN, CA — A previously lost episode of the beloved children’s classic VeggieTales has surfaced that depicts a young Dave,…
Presbyterian Church To Begin Tasing Anyone Who Raises Hands During Worship
FORKSVILLE, PA — As part of a new hardline stance being taken to start the new year, a local Presbyterian…
Breaking: You Forget Yourself, Viscount!
    Read MoreThe OnionCHĂ‚TEAU DE CHAMBORD—Asserting that such uncouth behavior brings shame upon the glorious lineage of a court that can…
Bad Sign: Sushi Bar Run By White Dude
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Looking for authentic sushi at a reasonable price? Look elsewhere. Bushido Sushi may look the part,…
FBI Baffled Terrorist Attack Occurred As They Imprisoned All Jan 6 Attendees
U.S. — As the investigations continued into the deadly events of the new year, FBI agents were reportedly baffled that…
Study: Few Bursts Of Vigorous Movement May Cut Women’s Heart Risks
    Read MoreThe OnionA study published in the British Journal Of Sports Medicine found that short bursts of movement throughout the…