FBI Confirms Terrorist Attack By Stating ‘This Is Not A Terrorist Attack’
NEW ORLEANS, LA — The FBI announced today that the horrific scene in New Orleans was not a terrorist attack,…
Day: January 1, 2025
White House Insists Jimmy Carter Is Still Sharp And Focused Behind Closed Doors
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite swirling rumors that his demise has negatively affected his cognitive abilities, White House officials insisted today…
Turkey-Weary Nation Makes Triumphant Return To Eating Shrimp
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—At long last able to rejoice as its days of wandering in a culinary desert reached an end,…
History Made As NBA Teams Play Entire Game Without Dribbling
PORTLAND, OR — NBA fans watched in awe last night as the Lakers and Trailblazers made history by playing an…
Coffee Prices Rise To 50-Year Highs
Read MoreThe OnionCoffee beans are hitting record-high prices not seen in nearly 50 years after difficult growing seasons among some…