Report: No, Really, TSA To Require Real ID This Year
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Emphasizing that Americans need to get their travel documents updated because the agency wasn’t messing around anymore, the…
Day: January 6, 2025
LeBron Pressures Bronny To Have Grandchildren Before He’s Too Old To Play With Them In NBA
Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Reminding his son that he won’t be on the roster forever, Los Angeles Lakers star LeBron James…
Wife Really Stressed Out After Realizing She Has Nothing To Stress Out About
NASSAU, DE — After cuddling with her husband in front of a roaring fire and getting Christmas decorations put away…
Bill Nye’s Medal Revoked After Old Hate Speech Comes To Light
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Bill Nye has just had his Presidential Medal of Freedom revoked after investigators unearthed an old hate…
Meghan Markle Horrified To Learn Netflix Cameras Have Been Following Her This Whole Time
MONTECITO, CA — Princess and former General Hospital extra Meghan Markle was horrified to learn Netflix cameras have been filming…
Reminder: American Women Have Until January 20th To Find A Man To Get Them Pregnant Or One Will Be Selected For Them
ATTENTION: American women have until noon on the 20th of January, in the Year of our Lord 2025, to find…
🕵️♂️ The Secret History of «Half Life 3»: Microwaves, GTA VI, and Gabe’s Struggle With Counting to Three
Our undercover investigation into Valve’s most elusive project, «Half Life 3», has finally borne fruit, and the results are nothing…
Strength Training: Myth Vs. Fact
Read MoreThe OnionWith the start of a new year, millions of Americans are honing in on their fitness goals and…