Shocking Photos Emerge Of Pete Davidson Dating Marylin Monroe In 1958
HOLLYWOOD, CA — As crews continued to sift through the rubble of fire-ravaged neighborhoods in the Los Angeles area, one…
Day: January 16, 2025
Kendrick Lamar Hit With Drive-By Summons Outside L.A. Nightclub
Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—In a chaotic scene that saw young people screaming and ducking for cover in the moments after…
Retired Parents With Open Calendar Want To Know Why You Don’t Put Your 8 Kids In A Car And Drive 3000 Miles To See Them More Often
EVANSVILLE, IN — Troubling reports circulated today that your retired parents, who have completely open calendars, wanted to know why…
Kamala Harris Delivers Farewell Address To A Bunch Of Beanie Babies Spread Out On Her Bed
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the President’s farewell address on Wednesday evening, Vice President Kamala Harris delivered her own heartfelt address…
Head Of Crime Family Warns About Dangers Of Corruption
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stirring farewell address to the nation, the notorious head of a prolific crime family warned…
🎮 Nintendo’s Switch 2: Now With a Frustration Sensor to Mock Your Losses!
Gamers, get ready for the most advanced console experience of your life (and therapy bills): Nintendo’s upcoming Switch 2 is…
Biden Takes Credit For Developing Dementia So Kamala Would Take His Place And Lose To Trump So Hamas Would Release Hostages
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After news broke that President-elect Donald Trump had successfully brokered a ceasefire agreement between Israel and Hamas,…
How Mark Zuckerberg Is Making Meta More MAGA-Friendly
Read MoreThe OnionMeta founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg has made a major right-wing pivot, including adding Trump ally Dana White…
Nursing Home Told Man Playing Accordion For Them Is Billy Joel
Read MoreThe OnionSOUTH PLAINFIELD, NJ—Having been informed that he canceled a major stop on his big world tour just to…