Democrats Assure Americans The Millions In USAID They Gave Hamas Was Just For Gay Stuff
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Amid the new heightened scrutiny on government spending, Democrats assured Americans that the millions of dollars in…
Day: February 7, 2025
Announcement: The Babylon Bee Is Willing To Promote Any US Government Cause In Exchange For $34 Million
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE — The Babylon Bee would like to formally announce that it is willing to promote any and…
Mitch McConnell Leaves Capitol In Wheelchair After Fall
Read MoreThe OnionSenator Mitch McConnell fell twice and was escorted out of the Capitol in a wheelchair as a precautionary…
Trump Appoints Satan As White House Faith Advisor
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprising move, President Donald Trump announced today that the newly created White House Faith Office…
Artist Profile: Kendrick Lamar
Read MoreThe OnionFresh off five wins at the Grammys, rapper Kendrick Lamar will headline Super Bowl LIX’s halftime show this…
💀 Disney’s Streaming Disaster: 700K Gone, But They Say « Only Racists Left »! 🤯
The House of Mouse continues to burn faster than Anakin Skywalker on Mustafar. Walt Disney Corporation recently reported that its…
The Burger King Calls On Senators To Vote Against RFK Jr.
BURGER KING CASTLE — The Burger King issued an edict from his throne this week and urged senators to vote…
Pioneering Female Archaeologist In Google Doodle Bears Silent Witness To Man’s Search For ‘Zootopia’ Porn
Read MoreThe OnionBALTIMORE—Mutely observing as the lewd query was entered into the prompt, a pioneering female archaeologist featured in a…