Uh-Oh: Lil X Just Came Up And Asked Government Employee What Exactly He Does Around Here
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Panic quickly ensued for federal government employee Jared Walker after Elon Musk’s son Lil X came up…
Day: February 12, 2025
Dunkin’ Pastries Included In Massive Recall
Read MoreThe OnionThe U.S. Food and Drug Administration recalled about 2 million baked goods sold nationwide, including some doughnuts and…
The Bee Ranks: The Top 10 Most Attractive People In Trump’s Cabinet
Read MoreBabylon Bee FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer,…
Musk Signals Willingness To Bid More Than $97 Billion To Acquire Respect
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Stressing that he was open to going far higher to close the deal, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced…
Democrats Furious Republicans Trying To Control Government Just Because They Won Election
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats have unleashed furious attacks on Republicans for using winning the election as an excuse to try…
Government Retirement Files Ruined After Miners Dig Too Deep And Unearth Balrog
BOYERS, PA — The Iron Mountain Federal Records Center has reportedly lost access to all federal retirement files after miners…
Man So Hungry He Could Eat An Orange
Read MoreThe OnionHARTFORD, CT—Telling his skeptical friends that he was in no way being hyperbolic as he described his ravenous…
Oregon Rep Asks Trump To Be Her Valentine
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a touching display of old-fashioned romance, Representative Maxine Dexter of Oregon used a speech to publicly…
🚨🚜 BREAKING: Kanye West Launches Chad Kroeger-Branded Excavators!
Los Angeles – 💥 Kanye West’s Yeezy.com online store was shut down over his controversial swastika T-shirts ❌👕, but the…