Church Members Curious Where Pastor’s Reference To 1997’s ‘Anaconda’ Is Going
SPRINGFIELD, MO — A congregation sat in suspense during the Sunday morning service over the weekend, as church members grew…
Day: February 24, 2025
House Hunters Episode Derailed After BlackRock Buys All 3 Properties
ORANGE, CA — A new episode of HGTV’s House Hunters was derailed yesterday after BlackRock quickly purchased all three of…
Virtually Imperceptible Facial Expression Sends Shock Wave Through ‘White Lotus’ Fan Base
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—With thousands flocking to social media to discuss a scene from the popular HBO series in which…
Trump Fired After Forgetting To Reply To Elon’s Email
WASHINGTON, D.C. — America’s new golden age came screeching to an unexpected halt today, as news broke that President Donald…
Elon Musk Holds Office-Wide Contest To Guess How Many Sperm In Cup
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In an attempt to raise morale by providing a fun yet challenging activity for employees of the U.S.…
Matt Walsh Current Frontrunner For Next Pope
VATICAN CITY — As the world waited to hear more about the condition of the ailing Pope Francis, rumors circulated…
KFC Leaves Kentucky
Read MoreThe OnionKFC, formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken, is leaving its namesake state, moving its corporate headquarters to Plano,…
Oh No: Admiral Piett Gets Email From Lord Vader Asking What He Accomplished Last Week
OUTER RIM — Following a sudden rise in rank, Admiral Firmus Piett was faced with his most challenging mission yet:…
Tips For Getting Involved At Your Child’s School
Read MoreThe OnionServing as a parent volunteer is a great way to bolster your child’s education as well as give…
Democratic Leaders Stand Real Still In Hopes No One Notices Them
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—With the elected officials trying their hardest not to move a muscle, reports confirmed Monday that top Democratic…