Man Helpfully Explains To Wife Why She Should Be In Better Mood
MURFREESBORO, TN — According to sources, local husband Scott Limber rescued his wife from depression by helpfully explaining why she…
Day: February 11, 2025
Workplace Win: Trump Says It’s OK To Call Female Coworkers ‘Toots’
WASHINGTON, DC — Donald Trump has approved a measure normalizing once again the practice of calling female employees ‘Toots’. Read…
Sauron-Appointed Judge Rules Frodo Must Return Ring To Sauron
CIRITH UNGOL — The One Ring must be returned to its rightful owner, The Dark Lord Sauron, a Sauron-appointed judge…
GigSlave Goes Public With $84 Billion Valuation
Read MoreThe OnionThe post GigSlave Goes Public With $84 Billion Valuation appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical…
PBS Drops DEI, Announces Bert And Ernie Are Now Straight
ARLINGTON, VA — In response to mounting pressure from various stakeholders, the Public Broadcasting Service (PBS) announced the immediate discontinuation…
Report: Honestly, Man You Saw Get Hit By Bus Can’t Stop Thinking About You Either
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—As he drifted in and out of consciousness and glimpsed memories of your eyes widening in horror, sources…
Hamas Gets Biden-Appointed Judge To Overturn Trump’s Order To Release Hostages
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump’s attempt to solve the long-running hostage situation between Israel and Hamas hit an obstacle…
Long Time No Semen
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Long Time No Semen appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed…
⚖️Lawsuit Incoming! Philly Residents Are Pissed After Recognizing Their City in Avatar: Fire and Ash 🤬
Philadelphia residents are furious after the release of the first stills from James Cameron’s upcoming film «Avatar: Fire and Ash»…
Man With Fogged-Up Glasses Forced To Finish Soup Using Other Senses
Read MoreThe OnionST. GEORGE, UT—With the water vapor causing condensation to form on the lenses and impair his vision, local…