Scotland Frees Hundreds Of Inmates To Ease Overcrowding
Read MoreThe OnionHundreds of prisoners will be freed in Scotland as part of a broader emergency response to ease the…
Day: February 19, 2025
‘I Have A Name,’ Sighs Man Known As Ethiopian Eunuch
ETHIOPIA — The man who became a Christian through the miraculous witness of the Apostle Philip was disappointed to learn…
Christian Couple Praying Their Kid Throws Up So They Can Avoid Hosting Small Group Tonight
TULSA, OK — Local couple Mark and Ellen Lindell prayed fervently today for their three-year-old to vomit so that they…
Men’s Group Text Enacts Formal Bylaws Banning Exclamation Points, Heart Emojis
WORCESTER, MA — A golden age has come to a local men’s group chat after bylaws were officially adopted which…
Cruel: Elon Musk Cuts Off Social Security Benefits For Thousands Of Revolutionary War Veterans
U.S. — The Department of Government Efficiency faced renewed calls for independent oversight after news broke that DOGE boss Elon…
Iceberger King
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Iceberger King appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of…
Delta Adds A Little Hanging Tennis Ball To End Of Runway For Female Pilots
U.S. — As an added safety measure to prevent further runway catastrophes, Delta Airlines has added a little hanging tennis…
Horrified Woman Swears Off Ambien After Seeing Number Of Library Books She Reserved Last Night
Read MoreThe OnionCOLUMBUS, OH—Reeling as she took stock of the damage done in her debilitated state, area woman Brittany Marino…
Spotify Hits Lady Gaga with a $1M Bill After «Abracadabra» Breaks Records: «Servers Are Melting!» 🔥💸
Lady Gaga just made history with her latest single “Abracadabra”, smashing records on Spotify with a mind-blowing 123,736,959 monthly listeners…