The Babylon Bee Has Obtained RFK Jr.’s New And Improved Food Pyramid
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was only officially confirmed and sworn in as the new Secretary of Health and Human Services…
Day: February 14, 2025
Igloo Recalls Coolers Over Finger Amputation Risk
Read MoreThe OnionIgloo is recalling more than 1 million of its coolers following reports that a handle issue led to…
Joann Fabrics Announces Plans To Make Mishmash Store Out Of Shuttered Locations’ Scraps
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Joann Fabrics Announces Plans To Make Mishmash Store Out Of Shuttered Locations’ Scraps appeared first on…
JD Vance Sets Out Little Heart-Covered Mailbox On Desk Just In Case
Read MoreThe OnionThe post JD Vance Sets Out Little Heart-Covered Mailbox On Desk Just In Case appeared first on The…
Impatient Liberal Journalist Starting to Suspect Trump Will Never Send Her to a Concentration Camp
ATLANTA, GA — An impatient liberal journalist employed by CNN began to express doubts this week that President Trump will…
Tips For Embracing Single Life
Read MoreThe OnionDespite stereotypes that unpartnered people are lonely or unhappy, being single doesn’t have to be a burden. The…
Democrats Vow to Fight DOGE by Wasting More Money Than Ever
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The tug-of-war taking over federal spending continued this week, as prominent Democrats pledged to waste more money…
New Evidence Suggests Humans Developed Written Language To Avoid Breaking Up In Person
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Noting that early humans’ aversion to confrontation played a critical role in their evolution, a new study published…
Europeans Beg JD Vance To Become President Of Europe
MUNICH — After witnessing his fiery speech against unchecked mass migration in Munich, residents of Europe begged JD Vance to…
Mysterious Tar Balls Washing Up On Florida Beaches
Read MoreThe OnionThe U.S. Coast Guard has been searching for tar balls that began showing up on South Florida beaches,…