9 Surefire Ways Bureaucrats Can Hide Fraudulent Spending From DOGE
With Elon Musk and the Department of Government Efficiency running roughshod over the federal government, bureaucrats have been scrambling to…
Day: February 13, 2025
RFK Jr. Sworn In On Raw 32-Ounce Ribeye
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a powerful statement, RFK Jr was sworn in as the next Secretary of Health and Human…
Rising Egg Prices Prompt More Americans To Raise Chickens In Backyard
Read MoreThe OnionThe skyrocketing price of eggs have caused some shoppers to consider keeping their own backyard laying hens, though…
Jets Announce Plan To Keep Losing But Without Aaron Rodgers
FLORHAM PARK, NJ — A changing of the guard was on the horizon in the NFL, as the New York…
STIs: Myth Vs. Fact
Read MoreThe OnionSexually transmitted infections, also known as STIs or STDs, affect millions of Americans every year. The Onion debunks…
Democrats Rush To Chug As Much Seed Oil As Possible Before RFK Jr. Takes Over
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was confirmed Thursday as the next Secretary of Health and Human Services with…
Pope Francis Announces That God Agrees With Whatever It Is Democrats Want To Do Right Now
ROME — Pope Francis, Pontiff of the Roman Church, has just confirmed that God agrees with whatever it is that…
Man Allows All Cookies So Website Won’t Be Mad At Him
Read MoreThe OnionBOSTON—Saying he was more than willing to go along with the request to avoid conflict, local internet user…
Democrats, Republicans Panic As Trump Brings World To Brink Of Peace
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The reign of terror perpetrated by the Trump administration looked to continue this week, with Democrats and…
Wooden Spoon Only Thing In Man’s Life That Not Giving Him Cancer
Read MoreThe OnionSPARTA, OH—Setting itself apart as a uniquely innocuous object, a wooden spoon is the only thing in local…