Police Catch Man Smuggling Cocaine Under Toupee
Read MoreThe OnionColombian police apprehended a man attempting to smuggle 220 grams of cocaine in small bags hidden under his…
Month: March 2025
9 Essential Items France Is Providing In Defense Of Ukraine
With the U.S. suspending all military aid amid contentious negotiations for peace, the historically courageous nation of France announced that…
German In Jail For A Meme Sure Hopes EU Can Stop Spread Of Russian Tyranny
FRANKFURT — According to sources, a German man who was jailed by authorities for sharing a meme is expressing hope…
Apostle Paul Reportedly Shipwrecked So Many Times Because He Failed To Ask For Traveling Mercies
CAMBRIDGE — In a noteworthy new discovery, a group of biblical scholars revealed a new consensus opinion that the Apostle…
Trump Renames Eric ‘Eric Of America’
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Trump Renames Eric ‘Eric Of America’ appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind…
Mechanic Exhausted After Long Day of Making Up Fake Car Parts That Need To Be Fixed
ALLENTOWN, PA — Local mechanic Ruben Rivera appeared exhausted Wednesday after a long day making up fake car parts that…
Catholic Church Introduces White Ashes For Black People
VATICAN — Ash Wednesday in 2025 was the most inclusive ever, say Vatican officials, thanks to the introduction of new…
Democrats Ready To Defend Department Of Education Just As Soon As They Figure Out What It Does
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With reports circulating that President Donald Trump was preparing to sign an executive order to eliminate the…
Fact-Checking Trump On The Russia-Ukraine War
Read MoreThe OnionFollowing his Oval Office clash with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, President Donald Trump has paused military aid to…
Town With Heavyset Mule Stuck In Barn Door Plumb Out Of Ideas
Read MoreThe OnionRANBURNE, AL—Concluding an hours-long summit with top thinkers from the area, residents of a town with a heavyset…