Judge Gives Trump Administration 3 Days To Return Her From El Salvador Prison
Read MoreThe OnionGREENBELT, MD—Decrying the deportation as “wholly lawless,” U.S. District Judge Paula Xinis ruled Monday that the Trump administration…
Day: April 7, 2025
3-Year-Old Discovers 3,800-Year-Old Amulet While On Family Outing
Read MoreThe OnionA 3-year-old girl found a scarab-shaped Canaanite amulet dating back some 3,800 years while on a hike with…
Get A Look At These HORRIFYING Pictures Of What Happens When You Don’t Have An Abortion
The abortion debate remains an ever-present hot topic across the United States, with advocates often pointing to the potentially dangerous…
Revised National Parks Webpage Describes Harriet Tubman As Human Trafficker
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—As the Trump administration continues to alter the version of American history that appears in government publications, sources…
Bad Sign: Trump Gives Speech On Strength Of Economy While Wearing A Barrel For Clothes
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump addressed concerns about the stock market Monday, ensuring the American people that the economy was…
Sam Mendes Admits Idea For 4 Beatles Biopics Conceived Before He Heard About TV
Read MoreThe OnionREADING, ENGLAND—Calling his ignorance “a major oversight,” filmmaker Sam Mendes admitted Monday that he conceived his idea for…
Trump Assures U.S. Farmers Barron Will Eat Their Crops
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In an effort to dispel any fears that the ongoing trade wars might negatively impact net profits, President…
Protesters Demand Government Waste
U.S. — Millions of people took to the streets over the weekend to demand more, not less, government waste. Read…
China Retaliates Against Tariffs By Putting Worse Fortunes Into Cookies
BEIJING — As part of an escalating global trade war, the Chinese government announced plans to retaliate against President Donald…
Shelly Greenfield and Patrick Chester
Read MoreThe OnionBride and groom exchanged vows before friends and family Saturday in a ceremony that delicately danced around the…