Liberals Devastated As Stock Market Recovers
NEW YORK, NY — Local stockbroker and lifelong Democrat Dean Watter fell into utter despair today, tears falling from his…
Day: April 9, 2025
Jasmine Crockett Floats Down Mighty Mississippi To Purchase Fresh Shipment Of Mexican Slaves
NATCHEZ, MS — Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett was seen smoking a corncob pipe and playing a diddy on her banjo as…
Winnie The Pooh Destitute As Trump Enacts 150% Tariffs On Hundred Acre Wood
HUNDRED ACRE WOOD — Local bear Winnie the Pooh has reportedly been left completely destitute after Trump enacted 150% tariffs…
Op-Ed: How About Genetic Scientists Try Making Young Men Who Aren’t Little Sissy Boys
Down at the VFW today, the boys were saying that some boneheads used a bunch of test tubes to make…
Galapagos Tortoises Become First-Time Parents At 100
Read MoreThe OnionA pair of critically endangered, nearly 100-year-old Galapagos tortoises at the Philadelphia Zoo have become first-time parents, with…
Trump Bangs Gong Signaling Another Increase In China Tariffs
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The global trade war reached a new level this morning, as President Donald Trump banged a giant…
Is It OK To Date A Girl Who’s Not A Christian As Long As She’s Super Hot?
I know there are Bible verses that say it’s bad to be “unequally yoked” with a non-believer — but what…
White House Revokes Biden’s Veneers
Read MoreThe OnionThe post White House Revokes Biden’s Veneers appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and…
🚨 Scandal! Razer and Others: Is Slavery the Solution to Tariff Problems?
In an era where technology is rapidly advancing and manufacturing processes are becoming increasingly automated, American laptop manufacturers, including the…