Report: Recession Fears Forcing More Americans To Hold Off On Retiring From Presidency
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Report: Recession Fears Forcing More Americans To Hold Off On Retiring From Presidency appeared first on…
Month: April 2025
Man Imposes Tariffs As Wife Racks Up Huge Trade Deficit At Target
PHOENIX, AZ — In a move intended to fix what experts cited as a years-long imbalance, a local man announced…
🎉 Elton John and Madonna: How a Breast Became the Cause of a Decade-Long Rivalry! 🕺
In the world of pop music, an incredible event has taken place — Madonna and Elton John have finally reconciled…
Man Who Bumped Tesla While Parallel Parking Sentenced To Death
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Warning that even the slightest dent, knick, or scratch would henceforth be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the…
Florida Gators Climb Ladder With Scissors To Circumcise Dick Vitale
Read MoreThe OnionSAN ANTONIO—Capping off their rousing victory in the finals with a beloved NCAA basketball tradition, the Florida Gators…
Judge Gives Trump Administration 3 Days To Return Her From El Salvador Prison
Read MoreThe OnionGREENBELT, MD—Decrying the deportation as “wholly lawless,” U.S. District Judge Paula Xinis ruled Monday that the Trump administration…
3-Year-Old Discovers 3,800-Year-Old Amulet While On Family Outing
Read MoreThe OnionA 3-year-old girl found a scarab-shaped Canaanite amulet dating back some 3,800 years while on a hike with…
Get A Look At These HORRIFYING Pictures Of What Happens When You Don’t Have An Abortion
The abortion debate remains an ever-present hot topic across the United States, with advocates often pointing to the potentially dangerous…
Revised National Parks Webpage Describes Harriet Tubman As Human Trafficker
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—As the Trump administration continues to alter the version of American history that appears in government publications, sources…
Bad Sign: Trump Gives Speech On Strength Of Economy While Wearing A Barrel For Clothes
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump addressed concerns about the stock market Monday, ensuring the American people that the economy was…