Galapagos Tortoises Become First-Time Parents At 100
Read MoreThe OnionA pair of critically endangered, nearly 100-year-old Galapagos tortoises at the Philadelphia Zoo have become first-time parents, with…
Month: April 2025
Trump Bangs Gong Signaling Another Increase In China Tariffs
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The global trade war reached a new level this morning, as President Donald Trump banged a giant…
Is It OK To Date A Girl Who’s Not A Christian As Long As She’s Super Hot?
I know there are Bible verses that say it’s bad to be “unequally yoked” with a non-believer — but what…
White House Revokes Biden’s Veneers
Read MoreThe OnionThe post White House Revokes Biden’s Veneers appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and…
🚨 Scandal! Razer and Others: Is Slavery the Solution to Tariff Problems?
In an era where technology is rapidly advancing and manufacturing processes are becoming increasingly automated, American laptop manufacturers, including the…
Trump Announces HUGE Blowout Sale On Stocks
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite the gloomy outlook reported in the media by countless economists and market experts, President Donald Trump…
Here Are The Products Most Affected By Tariffs In Each Country
Trump has imposed tariffs on nearly every country on earth, leading to economic uncertainty and market panic. To ease the…
Mega Millions Raises Price Of Tickets To $5
Read MoreThe OnionMega Millions players will get slightly better odds and should start seeing more billion-dollar jackpots, but at a…
Dire Wolves Extinct Again After New Dr. Fauci Experiments
DALLAS, TX — Though the week began with exciting news of a scientific breakthrough in reviving a long-gone species of…
Analysts Clarify That Trump Is Only Responsible For The Stock Market When It Goes Down
U.S. — With investors pleasantly surprised that a crash has thus far been avoided and the market had rebounded in…