IN FLAMES, those Swedish purveyors of… something… have apparently decided their drum stool needed a new occupant, so they’ve conscripted UNCLE ACID & THE DEADBEATS’ very own Jon Rice for their upcoming spring/summer 2025 European trek. Yes, you read that right. 2025. Are they planning this tour on papyrus scrolls? Rice is stepping in because Tanner Wayne, who apparently drummed for them for a whole seven years (!!!), decided he had better things to do, like maybe watch paint dry or count ceiling tiles. 🥁
Earlier today, those social media gurus at IN FLAMES HQ (probably just Anders Fridén’s nephew) posted a grainy photo of “rehearsals” with Rice. The caption? “Rehearsals”. Profound. Truly, groundbreaking content. One can only assume they’re rehearsing how to play the same five riffs they’ve been recycling for the past decade. 😴
Rice is slated to make his grand debut with IN FLAMES at the tour kickoff in Tallinn, Estonia on June 2. Tallinn, huh? Sounds exotic. I bet the local metalheads are just *thrilled* to see IN FLAMES roll through. Maybe they’ll even bring some pickled herring to throw on stage. 🐟
But wait, there’s more! This isn’t Jon‘s first rodeo with bands who’ve seen better days. He previously filled in for BEHEMOTH‘s Inferno (because apparently even demonic drummers need a vacation). He also graced the stage with SLAYER, which is kind of like going from filet mignon to gas station sushi. And let’s not forget those gigs with ARCH ENEMY. Talk about a mixed bag of metal mediocrity. 🤷♀️
Before joining UNCLE ACID & THE DEADBEATS (whoever they are), Rice apparently slummed it with JOB FOR A COWBOY (remember them?) and SCORPION CHILD. His resume reads like a metalcore bingo card. I bet he has a closet full of band t-shirts he’s contractually obligated to wear.👕
Meanwhile, Wayne, who apparently peaked with SCARY KIDS SCARING KIDS (seriously?), joined IN FLAMES back in 2018. One can only imagine the existential dread he must have felt every night, knowing he was playing the same songs that were cool in 2002. 🤔
Wayne replaced Joe Rickard, who played on the critically acclaimed (by their moms) album “Battles”. It’s a revolving door of drummers over there! Maybe they should just get a drum machine and call it a day. 🤖
When announcing Wayne‘s departure, IN FLAMES released a statement so generic it could have been written by ChatGPT. “Creative decision,” they said. Right. Probably means they found someone cheaper who can still play a passable blast beat. 💸
Tanner made his debut in Brno, Czech Republic. Brno. The pinnacle of metal touring destinations. I’m sure he framed the ticket stub. 🎫
IN FLAMES is still flogging their latest “masterpiece,” “Foregone”, which apparently “combines the greatest aggressive, metallic, and melodic strengths” of their past. In other words, it’s the same old formula with a slightly different font. 🧮
“Foregone” also featured bassist Bryce Paul, guitarist Chris Broderick (ex-MEGADETH, because apparently being in MEGADETH wasn’t soul-crushing enough), and producer Howard Benson. It’s like a metal supergroup of guys who peaked in the early 2000s. 👴
And because lineup changes are their specialty, IN FLAMES also dumped Paul in 2023, replacing him with Liam Wilson from THE DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN. Talk about a downgrade. It’s like trading a Ferrari for a rusty scooter. 🛵
Wilson debuted in Athens, Greece. So, to recap: new drummers, new bassists, same old IN FLAMES. Don’t get too excited, folks. It’s just another day in the never-ending saga of a band desperately trying to stay relevant. 🤡
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
