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Month: May 2025

OMG! πŸ™„ Did Gran Turismo spontaneously combust πŸ”₯ or did y’all just REALLY dig up Grandpa Oblivion πŸ‘΄ from the bargain bin? 🀣
Breaking

OMG! πŸ™„ Did Gran Turismo spontaneously combust πŸ”₯ or did y’all just REALLY dig up Grandpa Oblivion πŸ‘΄ from the bargain bin? 🀣

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 5, 2025May 5, 2025

OMG! 😱 The PlayStation Store charts for April 2025 are HERE! πŸ™„ Prepare to be absolutely SHOOK by the groundbreaking,…

Kim Thayil Thinks Soundgarden’s Ghostly Chris Cornell Tracks Might Finally Escape the Vault and Haunt Your Speakers πŸ‘»πŸŽ
Breaking

Kim Thayil Thinks Soundgarden’s Ghostly Chris Cornell Tracks Might Finally Escape the Vault and Haunt Your Speakers πŸ‘»πŸŽ

Chord F. DiscordMay 5, 2025May 5, 2025

OMG, Kim Thayil Thinks He’s Gonna Finish That Soundgarden Album? πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£ Like, Dude, Chris Has Been Dead Since 2017! πŸ’€…

Nation Takes Somber ‘May The 4th’ To Remember Deceased Star Wars Franchise
Babylon Bee

Nation Takes Somber ‘May The 4th’ To Remember Deceased Star Wars Franchise

FinnMay 5, 2025

U.S. β€” Fans reportedly took time on “May the 4th” for silent reflection, somberly remembering the now deceased Star Wars…

Trump To Expand Alcatraz By Putting Up Fence Around San Francisco
Babylon Bee

Trump To Expand Alcatraz By Putting Up Fence Around San Francisco

FinnMay 5, 2025

U.S. β€” A new era of dealing with depraved lawbreakers dawned today, as President Donald Trump vowed to reopen and…

πŸ”Œ Neil Young vs. Tesla: Rock Star Accuses Elon Musk of Concert Power Struggles
🎸 Should Neil Young Buy a Tesla? Why the Rocker and Billionaire Can't Find Common Ground
Music News

πŸ”Œ Neil Young vs. Tesla: Rock Star Accuses Elon Musk of Concert Power Struggles

FinnMay 5, 2025May 5, 2025

Rock legend Neil Young, whose age is catching up to the oldest electric vehicle, has declared war on Elon Musk…

Cooper Flagg’s Agent Negotiates 10% Increase In Textbook Buyback Value At Duke Bookstore
The Onion

Cooper Flagg’s Agent Negotiates 10% Increase In Textbook Buyback Value At Duke Bookstore

FinnMay 5, 2025May 5, 2025

Β Β Β Β Read MoreThe OnionDURHAM, NCβ€”Threatening to have his client sit out the rest of the academic semester unless he was paid…

Jackbox Party Pack 11 Dares to Release “Suspectives,” a Game We’re Already Side-Eyeing πŸ‘€
Breaking

Jackbox Party Pack 11 Dares to Release “Suspectives,” a Game We’re Already Side-Eyeing πŸ‘€

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 5, 2025May 5, 2025

OH. MY. GOD. πŸ™„ Jackbox, those corporate overlords, have dared to grace us with *another* party pack! As if we…

Faster Pussycat Announces New Single ‘Motorbike,’ because apparently the 80s called and demanded their hairspray and questionable lyrics back πŸ™„ 🏍️🎢
Breaking

Faster Pussycat Announces New Single ‘Motorbike,’ because apparently the 80s called and demanded their hairspray and questionable lyrics back πŸ™„ 🏍️🎢

Chord F. DiscordMay 5, 2025May 5, 2025

Oh. My. Gawd. πŸ™„ Faster Pussycat, those geriatric glam rockers who probably need walkers more than motorcycles, are releasing a…

Valve confirms Half-Life 3 is playable, meaning it’s only 30 years away from release! πŸ€‘πŸŽ‰
Breaking

Valve confirms Half-Life 3 is playable, meaning it’s only 30 years away from release! πŸ€‘πŸŽ‰

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 5, 2025May 5, 2025

OMG! 😱 Tyler McVicker, the guy who’s been “reporting” on Half-Life 3 since, like, the Stone Age, says it’s PLAYTESTABLE!…

Kerry King Only Wants Bandmates Old Enough To Remember When Slayer Was Still Relevant πŸ‘΄πŸŽΈπŸ˜‚
Breaking

Kerry King Only Wants Bandmates Old Enough To Remember When Slayer Was Still Relevant πŸ‘΄πŸŽΈπŸ˜‚

Chord F. DiscordMay 4, 2025May 4, 2025

Kerry King, the metalhead who peaked in the 80s, blesses us with his geriatric supergroup! πŸ‘΄πŸŽΈ In a groundbreaking interview…

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Latest posts

  • Goregrind vocalists🀘 looking for inspiration:
  • CybersΓ©curitΓ© pour les Nuls qui Croient encore que leur Mot de Passe Secret est RΓ©ellement Secret
  • California Announces They Have Finished Counting The Votes, Ronald Reagan Has Won The 1966 Governor’s Race
  • ’60 Minutes’ Begins Search For New Pompous Blowhard
  • When You Get the Right Uber Driver 🀘

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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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