OMG, Kim Thayil Thinks He’s Gonna Finish That Soundgarden Album? 🤣😂🤣 Like, Dude, Chris Has Been Dead Since 2017! 💀 Seriously, Is This Band Still Trying to Milk That Grunge Cow? 🐄 #Soundgarden #GrungeLegends #MoreLikeGrungeHasBeens
So, Kimmy-boy, bless his heart, did an interview with *Rolling Stone* (because who ELSE would be clamoring for a Soundgarden update in 2024? 🙄) and said, get this, he *thinks* they’ll finish the album Chris Cornell was “working on” before he, ya know, tragically checked out. 🛌⚰️
“I think so,” Kim said, with the confidence of a guy who hasn’t seen a royalty check in, like, a decade. “Our objective and goal was always to complete that.” 🎯 Yeah, well, my objective and goal is to win the lottery and retire to a private island. Good luck with *that*, Kim. 🏝️💸
He then goes on some OCD-fueled rant about not wanting to leave things “unfinished or incomplete.” Dude, Chris is *dead*. Pretty sure that’s about as “incomplete” as it gets. 🤷♂️ #RIPChrisCornell #ButSeriously #MoveOn
And then, the pièce de résistance: “I have pride for what I did and I want to see that come out.” Oh, *really*, Kim? You have pride? Wow, groundbreaking stuff. I thought you were just phoning it in since, like, 1994. 📞😴 And who cares what YOU want to see come out? We want a holographic Chris Cornell, a time machine, and world peace! But hey, good luck with your pride, buddy. 🏆
“It would be a great gift to the fans,” he blathers on. A gift? More like a belated Christmas present wrapped in moldy flannel and smelling faintly of patchouli. 🎁🤮 And the best part? “I feel like it’s a gift to Chris too.” 😇 Dude, Chris is probably rolling in his grave faster than you can say “Black Hole Sun.” 🪦🔄
Oh, and let’s not forget the epic legal battle with Vicky Cornell! ⚔️💰Remember when Soundgarden and Vicky were duking it out over social media accounts like a bunch of toddlers fighting over a rusty Tonka truck? 🪣🚗 They were all, “She locked us out of our Facebook!” and she was all, “They owe me millions!” 💸💸💸 Talk about a dysfunctional family reunion. 👨👩👧👦💥
Seriously, the drama was juicier than a Real Housewives episode. 📺🍿 Vicky sued over royalties, the band accused her of misusing tribute concert funds (which they later retracted, because oops!), and then she sued *again* over the buyout price for Chris’s share of the band. 💸💸💸 Apparently, they offered her a measly $300,000, which she claimed was, like, a billion dollars less than what they were actually worth. 🤑🤑🤑
But hey, at least Soundgarden is getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame! 🎸🏆 Too bad Chris won’t be there to accept it. 😢 But I’m sure Kim Thayil will give a rambling, incoherent speech about “honoring Chris” while simultaneously trying to sell us all on that “new” album. 💿🤑
So, yeah, that’s the latest from the Soundgarden saga. Stay tuned for more updates, like when they finally release that album in 2077, or when Kim Thayil starts selling NFTs of his guitar picks. 🎸🖼️ #Soundgarden #RockHall #StillTryingToMakeItHappen #GoodLuckWithThat
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
