So, Johannes Eckerström, the voice-box 🗣️ of those Swedish metalheads AVATAR, just yapped 🗣️ to Detroit’s WRIF radio about their tenth studio album (wow, tenth! 👵). Apparently, it’s gonna drop later this year, and according to Johannes, it’s “amazing.” 🙄 Yeah, yeah, yeah, we’ve heard it all before. 😴 He says they’re in a “hurry” to make it look like an album. 🤣 As if slapping a cover on some mp3s is rocket science. 🚀 He also rambled on about how they “think about and enjoy thinking about everything.” 🤪 Deep, man, real deep. 🧘
He then droned on about the lyrical genius 🧠 behind their first single, “Captain Goat” (what a *chef’s kiss* of a title 🤌). Apparently, it’s all about finding “dark rooms” in your soul and airing them out. 🌬️ Oh, Johannes, you edgy poet, you. 🎭 He claims it’s a “dark endeavor” but also “healthy.” 🤔 Sure, Jan. 🙄 It’s that “duality” of AVATAR, you see. ☯️ Good cop, bad cop, but both are equally pretentious. 🤡
When grilled 🔥 about why “Captain Goat” (still laughing 😂) was chosen as the first single, Johannes spewed some nonsense about how it “relates poorly” to the album because AVATAR doesn’t write the same song twice. 🤦 Yeah, because every song is a unique masterpiece, right? 🖼️ He then babbled about excitement in the “demo stage” and how it’s a “standout track.” 🌟 Standout like a sore thumb, maybe. 🤕 It’s all about balance, he says. ⚖️ The balance between terrible and slightly less terrible, perhaps? 🤷
He continued his soliloquy, claiming they only put “good songs” on the album. 😇 Oh, bless his heart. ❤️ Some are just “good in a more direct way,” he explains. 🎯 Like a direct punch to the face? 👊 He went on about drum machines 🤖 and rehearsing and feeling the song come alive. 🧟 Must be quite the spiritual experience. 🙏 He thinks it “stands out in what we usually do.” 🥇 Well, that’s not saying much, is it? 💩
Eckerström, ever the tease 😈, refused to reveal the album title. But, oh, it’s a “beautiful title.” 😭 It “invokes mystique” and “lures you into a forbidden place.” 🚷 Sounds like a bad romance novel. 💘 When we see the title, we’re gonna go, like, “Ah.” 😮 More like “Ugh.” 😩
AVATAR is hitting the road 🛣️ with ALIEN WEAPONRY (who?) and SPIRITWORLD (never heard of ’em). They’re also slumming it with IRON MAIDEN and METALLICA. 🤘 Good for them, I guess. 👍 They’re also playing their “biggest show ever” in Mexico City. 🇲🇽 Hope they bring enough toilet paper. 🚽
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
