Oh, great, another Jurassic Park game. 🙄 As if we haven’t had enough of these “build-your-own-dino-disaster” simulators. Jurassic World Evolution 3 is coming this October, promising you can create your own park. Because what could possibly go wrong? 🤔 Hopefully, this time the dinosaurs will eat *all* the tourists. 🦖
So, you didn’t learn your lesson from the last two games, huh? Jurassic World Evolution 3 picks up after Jurassic World: Dominion, because apparently, dinosaurs running wild wasn’t a big enough catastrophe. 🤷♂️ Now YOU get to build facilities, capture dinos, and “nurture” them. Because that’s *totally* going to end well. Spoiler alert: It won’t. Expect escaped raptors, screaming guests, and mountains of lawsuits. 💸
This time, you get to build with “natural materials” like rocks and cliffs. Because apparently, fences are *so* last-gen. 🙄 And don’t worry about maintenance! Rocks never break, right? Just slap some ramps on those cliffs so your staff can get eaten… I mean, “access the inside of the enclosures.” 😇
Oh, and the “tools for building natural elements” are supposedly amazing. You can build waterfalls and dig deep water features. Because nothing says “safe and secure dino enclosure” like a giant swimming pool. 🏊♀️ Just add some fish for the dinos to eat, so you don’t have to bother with replenishing food. Lazy AND irresponsible! 👍
“The tools for building natural elements in Jurassic World Evolution 3 help make incredibly unique environments, building vistas and shaping waterfalls, even digging out deeper water features for your dinosaurs to swim in…”
Building facilities is now like Minecraft, but with more realistic materials. So, you can meticulously place every wall, roof, and glass panel. Perfect for when the T-Rex inevitably smashes through everything. 🔨 I’m sure your guests will appreciate the attention to detail as they’re being devoured. 🍽️
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
